We're off!
Item:
Before we delve into our midseason review of the NBA, we'd like to offer our sincerest condolences to the Campisi family on the loss of Gina, who took her own life last week, at the age of 26. We knew and liked Gina and have a warm regard for the entire family. We don't know exactly what happens in the life after this one, but we pray that the God we pray to finds a place in His heart for her soul and keeps her close to Him.
~~~
On to the NBA:
At midseason things are, well, interesting. The Wizards have been gutted due to gunplay, The Usual Suspects are in fine form and the Nyets may just be the worst team in the history of the league. The All-Star Game was played in our current hometown and with the economy still shaky, the trading deadline was crazybusy.
So, how did we do in our preseason predictions?
First Coach to be Fired
Who we picked: Scott Brooks, OKC
Who it was: Byron Scott, New Orleans Hornets
Comment: OKC is vying for home court and the Bugs have imploded.
Breakout Season Coming From
Who we picked: Greg Oden, Portland Trail Blazers
Status: IR, out for season.
Comment: Two years, two injuries. Is Oden secretly a Clipper.
We Give Up On
Who we picked: Rafer Alston, NJNets
Status: Even the pathetic Nyets gave up on Skip to my Lou; he's now riding the pine on South Beach
Comment: 8.3pts/2.5reb/3.5ast in 49 games with NJN/MIA. Yawn.
We Still Say He's a Star in the Making
Who we picked: Andrea Bargnani, Toronto Raptors
Status: 17.5/6.3/1.1 in 51 games, with a +/- of 17.2
Comment: We'd like to see more boards, but he's developing nicely.
Best Off Season, Team
Who we picked: Orlando Magic
Status: 37-18, 2nd in the Eastern Conference
Comment: Gortat and Bass both sit, Carter is a shadow of Air Canada and they did nothing at the deadline.
Worst Off Season, Team
Who we picked: Minnesota Timberwolves
Status: 13-42, Last in the Western Conference
Comment: Thank God for New Jersey (5-49)
All-Jobless Team Update
PG: Stephon Marbury - Still unemployed. Still insane.
SG: Jerry Stackhouse - signed with Milwaukee Bucks; 6.5/2.4/2.1 in 20.0 minutes per game (13)
SF: Bruce Bowen - Retired
PF: Malik Rose - Studio Analyst, New York Knicks
C: Lorenzen Wright - Unemployed
6th Man: Darius Miles - Unemployed
Coach: Avery Johnson - Studio Analyst, espn
Rookie of the Year
Who we picked: Blake Griffin, LAClippers
Status: IR, out for the season
Comment: Danny Manning, redux?
Playoff Predictions, East
Orlando, Cleveland, Boston, Atlanta, Chicago, Toronto, Miami, Washington
Standings as of the Break: CLE, ORL, BOS, ATL, TOR, CHI, MIA, CHA
Comment: We missed on WAS, but with Flip as their coach and this being LB's second year in CHA, it makes sense.
Playoff Predictions, West
LALakers, Denver, Dallas, Portland, San Antonio, New Orleans, Utah, LAClippers
Standings as of the Break: LAL, DEN, UTA, DAL, S.A., OKC, PHO, POR
Comment: OKC and UTA have surprised, LAC, N.O. have disappointed. Suns will fade.
DEADLINE DEAL GRADES:
As we alluded to, there were an incredible amount of trades made leading up to this year's deadline. How we think everyone came out of it:
Boston -- Picked up Nate Robinson, gave nothing of value up. (B)
Charlotte -- Acquired Tyrus Thomas for a pick. (B)
Chicago -- Dealt John Salmons for a couple of scrubs, in the name of cap space. We generally dislike these kinds of deals, because there is no guarantee anyone will even want the money, as Chicago should know more than anyone. Meantime, they probably just knocked themselves out of the playoffs this season. (D)
Cleveland -- Traded Zydrunas Ilgauskus for Antawn Jamison. Wiz likely to buy Z out and he will return to Cleveland in 30 days. We liked the Stoudamire deal better, but they still improved. (A-)
Dallas -- Aquired Caron Butler and Brendan Heywood for Josh Howard, Drew Gooden. Mavs improved their team, improved their locker room. With subsequent Gooden deal to LAC, it looks like he will not be returning. That hurts. Pulling off a last-minute Dampier for Ilgausjus followup trade would have been perfect. (B)
Houston -- Purged themselves of Sleepy McGrady, picked up Kevin Martin and raped the cap-obsessed Knicks. (A-)
LAC -- Gave up Al Thornton and Marcus Camby for Drew Gooden and cap space. LeBron is not coming, guys. (D)
Memphis -- Acquired Ronnie Brewer for a protected pick. This franchise is putting it together, slowly but surely. (B)
Milwaukee -- Traded garbage, got John Salmons. (yawn) (C)
Minnesota -- Traded for Darko Milicic. Why? (D)
NYK -- If LeBron does not sign with them, they are fucked. With only $9M committed next year in salaries, they are in position to sign LBJ and his Robin of choice. If that happens, this is an A+. If, as we expect, it does not, they will basically be an expansion team, F-. The team was going nowhere this season before the deal and they are going nowhere this season after, so for now, (C).
Philadelphia -- Minor deals that will really have no effect. Should have pulled the trigger on Stoudamire for Iguodala/Dalembert. (C)
Portland -- Traded Steve Blake and Travis Outlaw, acquired Marcus Camby. With their bigs hurt, and Camby a free-agent to be, this was the right deal at the right time. (B+)
Sacramento -- Dealt Kevin Martin for Carl Landry, cap relief. Martin and Tyreke Evans could not mesh, Martin was traded high. Landry is a good fit for SacTo. (C+)
San Antonio -- Minor move for cap room. Why? The needed to make a splash, failed. (D)
Utah -- Dealt Ronnie Brewer for a pick, cap relief. Held on to Carlos Boozer, who screwed over a blind guy. They will regret both. (D-)
Washington -- Traded away three starters (Butler, Heywood and Jamison) and got Josh Howard and Al Thornton. They are clearly rebuilding and as purges go, this was great. But they got neither the picks nor prospects that they should have. (D).
And finally, last time we introduced our Rules for Winning a Championship and detailed each NFL's claims to a title. This week, the NBA. A refresher:
Rule 1: No team should be allowed to make the playoffs in their first ten years of existence and no championships for the first 25.
Rule 2: No team that deserts a loyal fan base should ever be allowed to win a championship. There are exceptions to this rule, whereby a vagabond team is eligible for a title.
--Exception 1: If the team left because of poor attendance and/or support.
--Exception 2: The wronged city has won a championship since the team fled and before the fleeing team has. (Scorned city must always have one more title than new one)
--Exception 3: Everybody's dead. If it has been more than 50 years since the team moved.
--Exception 4: Any city that has stolen another city's team has no claim on desertion should they lose their team.
Rule 3: Any team that has bad fans, as determined by the Committee (of one) -- no championship for you.
Rule 4: The Baltimore Rule: Baltimore stole the Browns. They can never have a title. In anything. Ever.
Rule 5: Any team that does not play where their name indicates is ineligible to win a title.
Rule 6: The Dome Rule: If you play in a room, on a rug, you cannot win a championship.
Rule 7: Any team that plays on a rug and not grass, is ineligible to win a title.
Clearly, rules 6 and 7 do not apply to the Association. That being the case:
Group A, teams that are out:
Charlotte Bobcats -- <25 years old (ineligible until 2029)
Detroit Pistons -- Shame Rule (ineligible until they move to Detroit or rename to Auburn Hills)
Los Angeles Clippers -- Abandoned Buffalo, then San Diego. (ineligible until Donald Sterling sells or dies)
Memphis Grizzlies -- <25 years, abandoned Vancouver (ineligible until 2051 or when Vancouver wins a title, whichever comes first, after they fulfill the 25-year existence requirement, in 2020).
Miami Heat -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, ineligible for title until 2013 + 10-year penalty for winning one early [2006], so 2023).
Minnesota Timberwolves -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, ineligible for title until 2014)
New Orleans Hornets -- <25 years old, abandoned Charlotte (ineligible until 2052 or when Charlotte wins a title, after fulfilling their 25-year requirement, in 2013).
Oklahoma City Thunder -- Abandoned Seattle (ineligible until 2058 or when Seattle wins a title, whichever comes first).
Orlando Magic -- <25 years (eligible for playoffs; ineligible for title until 2014)
Toronto Raptors -- <25 years (eligible for playoffs; ineligible for title until 2020)
Group B, teams with issues, and our determination:
Atlanta Hawks
Violation: Abandoned Buffalo, Davenport, Iowa (Quad-Cities), Milwaukee and St. Louis.
Mitigation: They were only six years old by the time they left Milwaukee and have been gone from StL for 42 years. Their fans suck though and we can't overlook the wretchedness of the ATL sports nation.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2018
Dallas Mavericks
Violation: Bad fans. Front-runners, the lot of them.
Mitigation: The Mavs were, statistically, the worst team in all of professional sports for the 1990's.
Ruling: As they have had 10+ years of consecutive sellouts, Eligible.
Golden State Warriors
Violation: Abandoned Philadelphia and San Francisco
Mitigation: They left Philly 48 years ago and only crossed the bridge when they left SF.
Ruling: Since Philadelphia has since won a title, eligible.
*ya gotta admit, that Wilt cover has a whole new meaning now.
Houston Rockets
Violation: Abandoned San Diego
Mitigation: They have made a good dent in the 50-year requirement (39), and drew poorly in Sand Diego.
Ruling: Eligible (although we considered a penalty for these).
Los Angeles Lakers
Violation: Abandoned Minneapolis
Mitigation: This is their 50th year in Los Angeles. And seriously, can you picture LA without them? Neither can we.
Ruling: Eligible
New Jersey Nets
Violation: Abandoned New York
Mitigation: Part of move from ABA to NBA and they get bonus credit for changing their name.
Ruling: Eligible
Philadelphia 76ers
Violation: Abandoned Syracuse
Mitigation: Just three years short of the 50-year requirement and moved for financial reasons, while righting the wrong of the Warriors' abandoning of the city three years prior.
Ruling: Eligible
Sacramento Kings
Violation: Abandoned Rochester, Cincinnati, Kansas City and Omaha.
Mitigation: Poor fan support in all their previous markets, great support in SacTo.
Ruling: Eligible
San Antonio Spurs
Violation: Abandoned Dallas
Mitigation: Sure they were in the ABA at the time and sure drew poorly in Dallas. We still hate them.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2023 = 5 year penalty for each of their 4 titles, so 2043.
Utah Jazz
Violation: Abandoned New Orleans, and not because of Katrina
Mitigation: None. They moved to a smaller market and attendance actually fell.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2029
Washington Wizards
Violation: Abandoned Chicago and Baltimore
Mitigation: They were only in Chicago for two years and left 47 years ago. As a result of the Baltimore Rule, we love anyone who abandons that hellhole. Bonus points for the last non-marketing-driven reimaging in pro sports (Bullets to Wizards)
Ruling: Eligible
Group C, teams with no encumbrances to a title (other than, perhaps, talent):
Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Denver, Indiana, Milwaukee, New York, Phoenix, Portland.
So, with under three months left in the NBA season, the teams that are eligible to win are:
Boston Celtics
Chicago Bulls
Cleveland Cavaliers
Dallas Mavericks
Denver Nuggets
Golden State Warriors
Houston Rockets
Indiana Pacers
LA Lakers
Milwaukee Bucks
New Jersey Nets
New York Knicks
Philadelphia 76ers
Phoenix Suns
Portland Trail Blazers
Sacramento Kings
Washington Wizards
Gun to our head, we say Cavs over Lakers in 6.
Enjoy the rest of the season.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
29 January 2010
Focused on Shotz Brewery
We're off!
Item:
Our Super Bowl prediction:
Saints 27 - Colts 23.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
Heisman Award and NCAA championship-winning Tim Tebow is appearing in an ad during the Super Bowl, paid for by conservative Christian group Focus on the Family. The ad, which has not been made available for review, will have him and his mother in it and it is believed they will talk about his mother's complications while carrying him, her doctors' reccomendations that she terminate the pregnancy, her decision not to and the obvious end results.
Feminist groups have blasted the ad, with the director of the National Organization for Woman (NOW) saying, "it's a shame he chose this day to try to force his agenda down America's throat -- on a day that was created to bring people together, not drive them apart".
Really? We always thought the Super Bowl was created to figure out who would be champion of the National Football League.
Not speaking to the content of his message, we applaud Tebow for standing up for what he beleieves in, knowing that that same stance could cost him millions of dollars in the NFL draft. Our guess is the ad is not going to be all fire and brimstone and will probably not be nearly as offensive as the femi-nazis would have you think. Remember, they have not seen the ad yet, either.
Why are we as a society so afraid to hear a message we may disagree with? And why do we tell our atheletes and celebrities that they should be role models but then blast them whenever they do something courageous, or -- worse yet -- articulate? Why can't Miss California give an honest answer to a question about a political issue?
If we have devolved to a point where these types of actions are not acceptable, then don't be bitching the next time your son's favorite player knocks a woman up out of wedlock or a starlett goes to rehab for the twelfth time.
Can't have it both ways, folks.
~~~
Fare thee well, JD, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a healthy dose of teen angst.
~~~
Item:
So we were telling someone the other day just why the Colts should not be allowed to win the Super Bowl -- they screwed over Baltimore. She didn't get it. So we started explaining the "rules" to her. You know -- the rules for winning a championship. Not familiar with them? Well, well, we're here to help.
Rule 1: No team should be allowed to make the playoffs in their first ten years of existence and no championships for the first 25.
Rule 2: No team that deserts a loyal fan base should ever be allowed to win a championship. There are exceptions to this rule, whereby a vagabond team is eligible for a title.
--Exception 1: If the team left because of poor attendance and/or support.
--Exception 2: The wronged city has won a championship since the team fled and before
the fleeing team has. (Scorned city must always have one more title than new one)
--Exception 3: Everybody's dead. If it has been more than 50 years since the team moved.
--Exception 4: Any city that has stolen another city's team has no claim on desertion should they
lose their team.
Rule 3: Any team that has bad fans, as determined by the Committee (of one) -- no championship for you.
Rule 4: The Baltimore Rule: Baltimore stole the Browns. They can never have a title. In anything. Ever.
Rule 5: Any team that does not play where their name indicates is inelligible to win a title.
Rule 6: The Dome Rule: If you play in a room, on a rug, you cannot win a championship.
Rule 7: Any team that plays on a rug and not grass, is inelligible to win a title.
This week, lets look at the NFL and see what teams are allowed to win a Super Bowl.
Group A, teams that are out:
Atlanta Falcons -- Bad fan base, games blacked out when they are not playing well. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Baltimore Ravens -- The Baltimore Rule (inelligible in perpetuity)
Carolina Panthers -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, but not Super Bowl)
Cincinnati Bengals -- Bad fan base (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Dallas Cowboys -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to Dallas or rename the team Arlington)
Denver Broncos -- Rug Rule
Detroit Lions: Dome Rule (inelligible until they grow testicles and play outdoors)
Houston Texans -- <25 years old (inelligible for playoffs or Super Bowl)
Indianapolis Colts -- An interesting quirk here. The Colts were relieved of their obligation of pennance when the Ravens won a Super Bowl and were free to win their own, and did, a few years ago. Problem is, they cannot surpass Baltimore in number of post-desertion titles, and Baltimore is forbiden to ever win another one, by nature of the Baltimore Rule. Sorry Indy. (ineligible in perpetuity, unless the Ravens move from Baltimore).
Jacksonville Jaguars: <25 years old, and a bad fan base. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Minnesota Vikings -- Dome Rule (inelligible until they move outdoors)
New England Patriots -- Rug Rule
New York Giants -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to New York or rename team New Jersey)
New York Jets -- See Giants, New York
Seattle Seahawks -- Rug Rule
Group B, teams with issues, and our determination:
Arizona Cardinals.
Violation: They abandonned two cities.
Mitigation: Everyone in Chicago who was there with the Cardinals is dead or senile; both StL and Chicago have won a Super Bowl since the Cardinals' departure.
Ruling: Eligible
Kansas City Chiefs
Violation: They abandoned Dallas, then won a Super Bowl before the Cowboys.
Mitigation: It was part of the AFL/NFL merger and Dallas was too small for two teams; Dallas went on to win four Super Bowls.
Ruling: Eligible
Oakland Raiders
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles.
Mitigation: They did so to return to the city they abandonned for LA.
Ruling: 15 years' inelligibility, expires in 2011.
St. Loius Rams
Violation: They abandoned Cleveland
Mitigation: Everyone who was there then, is dead now
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: No one cared.
Violation: They play in a dome.
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until they play outdoors
Tennessee Titans
Violation: They abandoned Houston
Mitigation: It's Houston, you'd leave too. And the fans did not support them. Still...
Ruling: 20 years' ineligibility
Buffalo Bills
Violation: OJ
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until OJ dies (or finds the "real killer")
San Diego Chargers
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: They were in the AFL at the time, no one cared and it's like a 90 minute drive if anyone did.
Ruling: Eligible
Group C, Tems with no encumberances to a title (other than, perhaps, talent)
Bears, Browns, Packers, Dolphins, Saints*, Eagles, Steelers, 49ers, Buccaneers, Redskins.
*The Saints have been given a 25-year exception to the Dome and Rug rules, in consideration of the ongoing recovery from Hurricane Katrina. If they are not playing outside, on grass, in 2030, they become inelligible.
So, of the remaining teams this season, the Saints are the only one allowed to win the Super Bowl. Next year's eligible teams will be the:
Arizona Cardinals
Chicago Bears
Cleveland Browns
Green Bay Packers
Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins
New Orleans Saints
Philadelphia Eagles
Pittsburgh Steelers
San Diego Chargers
San Francisco 49'ers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Washington Redskins
~~~
Quote of the Week:
““The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”
--Theodore Roosevelt
~~
Idiot of the Week:
Paul Shirley, former NBA baller, recently-former espn.com contributor, who bashed relief efforts for Haiti, in a piece he wrote for The Mothership.
Among his gems:
"Very few have said, written, or even intimated the slightest admonishment of Haiti, the country, for putting itself into a position where so many would be killed by an earthquake."
Yeah, because no one would be killed if a major earthquake hit Los Angeles, where you live, jackass.
"Shouldn’t much of the responsibility for the disaster lie with the victims of that disaster?"
Actually, no. In this case, we don't think it was the five year-old girl's fault a fucking earthquake happened.
Just in case he was not condescending and offensive enough, he went on to write this open letter to the Haitian people:
Dear Haitians –
First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.
As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?
Sincerely,
The Rest of the World
This is offensive on so many levels. Not to mention it demonstrates an absolute lack of comprehention of the concepts of geopolitical economics and systemic poverty.
Look, you don't want to donate, Paul -- no worries. That is your right. But pick up a fucking book before castigating a people you have no understanding of. And then drop to your knees and thank God you grew up in in the United States and never had to endure anything like what those people are dealing with.
Despite your pseudointellectual bullshit, if you were born a poor kid in Haiti, we can pretty much guarantee you'd be a poor man in Haiti right now. If you were fortunate enough to not burried under 16 tons of concrete.
~~~~
Vintage Album Review of the Week:
Rod Stewart
Camouflage
1984
Infatuation - (5:15)*
All Right Now - (4:42)*
Some Guys Have All the Luck - (4:34)*
Can We Still Be Friends -(3:51)
Bad for You - (5:19)
Heart is on the Line - (4:04)
Camouflage - (5:21)
Trouble - (4:42)
* - singles
By 1984, Rod Stewart, who had started off trying to be a serious songwriter, had forgone all pretense of art and rock 'n roll and had completely sold out to the gods of pop. With Camouflage, he delivered a half-hearted, short (8-song) set that is polished, but unremarkable. The only writing he did for it was the lead sinlge, "Infatuation", which he shares a writing credit with two other guys for. It sounds an awful lot like "Passion" from a few albums prior, so it's not hard to deduce where his "writing" credit came from. Jeff Beck puts in a decent performance on guitar, but uber-producer Michael Omartian's ham-fisted layering of synthazation pretty much kills most of even that. Some Guys Have All the Luck is a touchstone pop performance and Rod turns is a pretty good remake of Tod Rungren's "Can We Still Be Friends". Still, this is a bad album. The singles can be procured on a Greatest Hits complilation and nothing -- nothing -- else on this LP is worth paying for. Even the packaging was bad - a rough, non-glossy cover, no liner notes at all and really cheesy-looking labels on thin vynil.
Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 1 (of 4)
Production: 1 (of 3)
Packaging: 0 (of 2)
First Blush: 1 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 9
Stars: 1.8 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots:
Congtratulations to Kurt Warner for getting while the gettin's good. Enjoy playing with -- and recognizing -- the grandkids you will one day have...
And with that, we bid you adieu.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
Item:
Our Super Bowl prediction:
Saints 27 - Colts 23.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
Heisman Award and NCAA championship-winning Tim Tebow is appearing in an ad during the Super Bowl, paid for by conservative Christian group Focus on the Family. The ad, which has not been made available for review, will have him and his mother in it and it is believed they will talk about his mother's complications while carrying him, her doctors' reccomendations that she terminate the pregnancy, her decision not to and the obvious end results.
Feminist groups have blasted the ad, with the director of the National Organization for Woman (NOW) saying, "it's a shame he chose this day to try to force his agenda down America's throat -- on a day that was created to bring people together, not drive them apart".
Really? We always thought the Super Bowl was created to figure out who would be champion of the National Football League.
Not speaking to the content of his message, we applaud Tebow for standing up for what he beleieves in, knowing that that same stance could cost him millions of dollars in the NFL draft. Our guess is the ad is not going to be all fire and brimstone and will probably not be nearly as offensive as the femi-nazis would have you think. Remember, they have not seen the ad yet, either.
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Why are we as a society so afraid to hear a message we may disagree with? And why do we tell our atheletes and celebrities that they should be role models but then blast them whenever they do something courageous, or -- worse yet -- articulate? Why can't Miss California give an honest answer to a question about a political issue?
If we have devolved to a point where these types of actions are not acceptable, then don't be bitching the next time your son's favorite player knocks a woman up out of wedlock or a starlett goes to rehab for the twelfth time.
Can't have it both ways, folks.
~~~
Fare thee well, JD, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a healthy dose of teen angst.
~~~
Item:
So we were telling someone the other day just why the Colts should not be allowed to win the Super Bowl -- they screwed over Baltimore. She didn't get it. So we started explaining the "rules" to her. You know -- the rules for winning a championship. Not familiar with them? Well, well, we're here to help.
Rule 1: No team should be allowed to make the playoffs in their first ten years of existence and no championships for the first 25.
Rule 2: No team that deserts a loyal fan base should ever be allowed to win a championship. There are exceptions to this rule, whereby a vagabond team is eligible for a title.
--Exception 1: If the team left because of poor attendance and/or support.
--Exception 2: The wronged city has won a championship since the team fled and before
the fleeing team has. (Scorned city must always have one more title than new one)
--Exception 3: Everybody's dead. If it has been more than 50 years since the team moved.
--Exception 4: Any city that has stolen another city's team has no claim on desertion should they
lose their team.
Rule 3: Any team that has bad fans, as determined by the Committee (of one) -- no championship for you.
Rule 4: The Baltimore Rule: Baltimore stole the Browns. They can never have a title. In anything. Ever.
Rule 5: Any team that does not play where their name indicates is inelligible to win a title.
Rule 6: The Dome Rule: If you play in a room, on a rug, you cannot win a championship.
Rule 7: Any team that plays on a rug and not grass, is inelligible to win a title.
This week, lets look at the NFL and see what teams are allowed to win a Super Bowl.
Group A, teams that are out:
Atlanta Falcons -- Bad fan base, games blacked out when they are not playing well. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Baltimore Ravens -- The Baltimore Rule (inelligible in perpetuity)
Carolina Panthers -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, but not Super Bowl)
Cincinnati Bengals -- Bad fan base (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Dallas Cowboys -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to Dallas or rename the team Arlington)
Denver Broncos -- Rug Rule
Detroit Lions: Dome Rule (inelligible until they grow testicles and play outdoors)
Houston Texans -- <25 years old (inelligible for playoffs or Super Bowl)
Indianapolis Colts -- An interesting quirk here. The Colts were relieved of their obligation of pennance when the Ravens won a Super Bowl and were free to win their own, and did, a few years ago. Problem is, they cannot surpass Baltimore in number of post-desertion titles, and Baltimore is forbiden to ever win another one, by nature of the Baltimore Rule. Sorry Indy. (ineligible in perpetuity, unless the Ravens move from Baltimore).
Jacksonville Jaguars: <25 years old, and a bad fan base. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Minnesota Vikings -- Dome Rule (inelligible until they move outdoors)
New England Patriots -- Rug Rule
New York Giants -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to New York or rename team New Jersey)
New York Jets -- See Giants, New York
Seattle Seahawks -- Rug Rule
Group B, teams with issues, and our determination:
Arizona Cardinals.
Violation: They abandonned two cities.
Mitigation: Everyone in Chicago who was there with the Cardinals is dead or senile; both StL and Chicago have won a Super Bowl since the Cardinals' departure.
Ruling: Eligible
Kansas City Chiefs
Violation: They abandoned Dallas, then won a Super Bowl before the Cowboys.
Mitigation: It was part of the AFL/NFL merger and Dallas was too small for two teams; Dallas went on to win four Super Bowls.
Ruling: Eligible
Oakland Raiders
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles.
Mitigation: They did so to return to the city they abandonned for LA.
Ruling: 15 years' inelligibility, expires in 2011.
St. Loius Rams
Violation: They abandoned Cleveland
Mitigation: Everyone who was there then, is dead now
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: No one cared.
Violation: They play in a dome.
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until they play outdoors
Tennessee Titans
Violation: They abandoned Houston
Mitigation: It's Houston, you'd leave too. And the fans did not support them. Still...
Ruling: 20 years' ineligibility
Buffalo Bills
Violation: OJ
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until OJ dies (or finds the "real killer")
San Diego Chargers
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: They were in the AFL at the time, no one cared and it's like a 90 minute drive if anyone did.
Ruling: Eligible
Group C, Tems with no encumberances to a title (other than, perhaps, talent)
Bears, Browns, Packers, Dolphins, Saints*, Eagles, Steelers, 49ers, Buccaneers, Redskins.
*The Saints have been given a 25-year exception to the Dome and Rug rules, in consideration of the ongoing recovery from Hurricane Katrina. If they are not playing outside, on grass, in 2030, they become inelligible.
So, of the remaining teams this season, the Saints are the only one allowed to win the Super Bowl. Next year's eligible teams will be the:
Arizona Cardinals
Chicago Bears
Cleveland Browns
Green Bay Packers
Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins
New Orleans Saints
Philadelphia Eagles
Pittsburgh Steelers
San Diego Chargers
San Francisco 49'ers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Washington Redskins
~~~
Quote of the Week:
““The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”
--Theodore Roosevelt
~~
Idiot of the Week:
Paul Shirley, former NBA baller, recently-former espn.com contributor, who bashed relief efforts for Haiti, in a piece he wrote for The Mothership.
Among his gems:
"Very few have said, written, or even intimated the slightest admonishment of Haiti, the country, for putting itself into a position where so many would be killed by an earthquake."
Yeah, because no one would be killed if a major earthquake hit Los Angeles, where you live, jackass.
"Shouldn’t much of the responsibility for the disaster lie with the victims of that disaster?"
Actually, no. In this case, we don't think it was the five year-old girl's fault a fucking earthquake happened.
Just in case he was not condescending and offensive enough, he went on to write this open letter to the Haitian people:
Dear Haitians –
First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.
As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?
Sincerely,
The Rest of the World
This is offensive on so many levels. Not to mention it demonstrates an absolute lack of comprehention of the concepts of geopolitical economics and systemic poverty.
Look, you don't want to donate, Paul -- no worries. That is your right. But pick up a fucking book before castigating a people you have no understanding of. And then drop to your knees and thank God you grew up in in the United States and never had to endure anything like what those people are dealing with.
Despite your pseudointellectual bullshit, if you were born a poor kid in Haiti, we can pretty much guarantee you'd be a poor man in Haiti right now. If you were fortunate enough to not burried under 16 tons of concrete.
~~~~
Vintage Album Review of the Week:Camouflage
1984
Infatuation - (5:15)*
All Right Now - (4:42)*
Some Guys Have All the Luck - (4:34)*
Can We Still Be Friends -(3:51)
Bad for You - (5:19)
Heart is on the Line - (4:04)
Camouflage - (5:21)
Trouble - (4:42)
* - singles
By 1984, Rod Stewart, who had started off trying to be a serious songwriter, had forgone all pretense of art and rock 'n roll and had completely sold out to the gods of pop. With Camouflage, he delivered a half-hearted, short (8-song) set that is polished, but unremarkable. The only writing he did for it was the lead sinlge, "Infatuation", which he shares a writing credit with two other guys for. It sounds an awful lot like "Passion" from a few albums prior, so it's not hard to deduce where his "writing" credit came from. Jeff Beck puts in a decent performance on guitar, but uber-producer Michael Omartian's ham-fisted layering of synthazation pretty much kills most of even that. Some Guys Have All the Luck is a touchstone pop performance and Rod turns is a pretty good remake of Tod Rungren's "Can We Still Be Friends". Still, this is a bad album. The singles can be procured on a Greatest Hits complilation and nothing -- nothing -- else on this LP is worth paying for. Even the packaging was bad - a rough, non-glossy cover, no liner notes at all and really cheesy-looking labels on thin vynil.
Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 1 (of 4)
Production: 1 (of 3)
Packaging: 0 (of 2)
First Blush: 1 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 9
Stars: 1.8 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots:
Congtratulations to Kurt Warner for getting while the gettin's good. Enjoy playing with -- and recognizing -- the grandkids you will one day have...
And with that, we bid you adieu.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
23 January 2010
Focused on the Blue Notes
We're off!
Item:
**This was the lead to a post written on 23 Dec 2009 which, due to our laziness, never made it to print.
Craig Lynch, 28, of England, escaped from Hollesley Bay prison back in September, but dude has continued to update his Facebook status almost daily, regaling his growing public with tales of his exploits, be they the dinner he had that night or the girl he will tonight. Guy has balls, we'll give him that. And before you ask -- hellz YEAH, we friended him!
Update: Lynch was re-arrested on 13 Jan. A fund has been established for the care of his Farmville animals, however. Please send checks c/o Gary Bates, to 5555 E. mockingbird Ln., Apt 1207; Dallas, Tx 75206, and know that you're keeping his animals alive.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
People tend to focus on the dangers and downside of the technology. SPAM, soccer moms texting in traffic, incessant penile enlargement ads; there's a lot of crap out there. Every once in a while though, something comes along that makes us say, "now that's what the (fill in the name of the technology) was invented for".
One of them happened about a year or so ago, when The Times of London made virtually their entire archives available online -- for free. Want to read about the birth announcement of Queen Elizabeth -- the first? Have at it. Care to peruse contemporary news coverage of the US Presidential election of 1800? Knock yourself out. A heretofore unimaginable cache of information became available at the click of a mouse. To quote Friend of the Blog Waldo, "now that's the kind of thing the internet was invented for."
Another example is something that is going on right now. Anyone who has a teenager or who has to spend any time at all in public knows how annoying people on cell phones can be. Seriously, SkatterKid has callouses on her thumbs from texting and if we see one more jackass on the front row of an NBA game stand up, turn around and wave to the camera, we're gonna buy some cheap seats and a high-powered assault rife and go Chuck Whitman on that fucker. But we digress.
As everyone knows, a horrific earthquake devastated Haiti last week. And that is truly the word for it. The loss of life is staggering. And the lives of those remaining in what was already a rough place to live, just got, if one can believe it, even more difficult. Orphans, hunger, despair. And, as always, the Red Cross is there to help. And they have teamed up with every cell phone carrier in an unprecedented example of the synergy modern technology allows for. By simply texting "Haiti" to 90999, $10.00 is donated to relief efforts. No phone call, no check, no stamp -- nothing. Bam! Ten dollars gets added to your phone bill and immediately goes to help people. In just the eleven days since the earthquake, over $305Million dollars has been raised.
Now that is what cell phones were invented for.
~~~
Fare thee well, Teddy , we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a song and some wheels.
An interesting note here, that shows the other side of how society and technology have changed, this time, in our opinion, for the worse:
When Teddy Pendergrass had the car accident in March of 1982 that landed him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, he was with a companion. The companion was a male-to-female transsexual. Can you imagine that not being the lead of the story, had the accident happened 28 days ago, instead of 28 years?
And they call us evolved.
~~~
Item:
What can we say about Gilbert Arenas? Dude brings three guns into the locker room of the Verizon Center and says he did so because his wife (who isn't really his wife, but just some babymama he shacks up with) and he just had a kid and he wanted to have a gun-free home. Sounds ok, even responsible. Couple of problems here though. First, there are plenty of pawn shops, safe deposit boxes and sewers in the DC area in which to deposit an unwanted firearm; your workplace should never be on that list. Second, the team you work for is called the Wizards, only because the owner -- who just died -- changed it from Bullets because he didn't want the association to violence. Standing amidst your fellow players, shooting finger pistols at them in pregame warmups two days after the story broke was probably not the brightest idea you've ever had, despite your dumbass teammates all laughing. Third, this is your third kid! What, the other two seemed ok, but Baby 3 looks like he likes to sling lead when his diaper gets dirty?
Seriously, we never knew Agent Zero was an intellectual reference. We always thought it was just because that was your uniform number.
~~~
Quote of the Week:
“Work hard and be kind, and amazing things will happen."
--Conan O'Brien, 2010
~~~
Internet Video of the Week:
Here.
~~~
Ridiculous Stat of the Week:
Shareholders of the companies Tiger Woods endorses are going to lose and estimated $25-40 Billion because he likes to bang chicks to whom he is not married. So, we went from buying houses we can't afford, to putting our money on a rich, young, famous, attractive man not screwing everything in sight.
Putting money in the mattress is looking better every day. (Unless the mattress is owned by a white chick that will ever be within 500 feet of Tiger Woods.)
~~~
Idiot of the Week:
The Philadelphia Eagles, for unanimously voting to name Michael "Cujo" Vick this year's receipient of the Ed Block Courage Award. According to the NFL, the Ed Block Award honors players who, "exemplify commitment to the principles of sportsmanship and courage", and all 32 teams select a winner. Aparently, going to prison for murdering defenseless animals exhibits sportsmanship, then falling into a million-dollar job where you work five minutes a week takes great courage.
And in the interest of fairness, we must report that the Dallas Cowboys, on the other hand, named assistant coach Joe DeCamillas as their Ed Block Award winner. DeCamillas broke five vertabrae in his neck when the team's practice facility collapsed last spring then returned to his job five days later, not missing another day of work until his appendix burst and he was rushed to the hospital. He missed a game for that but was back on the field by the next week.
Which guy do you think deserves an award?
~~~
Vintage Album Review of the Week:
Eddie Money
Can't Hold Back
1986
Take Me Home Tonight - (3:32)*
One Love - (4:13)
I Wanna Go Back - (3:59)*
Endless Nights - (3:24)*
One More Chance - (4:49)
We Should Be Sleeping - (3:59)*
Bring on the Rain - (4:57)
I Can't Hold Back - (3:52)
Stranger in a Strange Land - (3:36)
Calm Before the Storm - (4:32)
* - singles
Eddie Mahoney embodies the American Dream. He grew up on Long Island, became an NYC cop, like his dad, and his uncles and his granddads and settled into a life. He played a little sax, dabbled on the keyboards but could play a mean harmonica. So he sat in on the occasional gig and was the proverbial cop with a dream of Something More. But then he quit his job, changed his name, moved to California and BAM! Dude became a star. Only in America.
Eddie Money is neither a virtuoso musician nor a particularly gifted singer. He writes no music and very few lyrics. He was blessed with a solid backing band (including host-to-be of a certain program we will never mention, Randy Jackson), a manager who scored him some really good songs and producers who knew what they were doing. In many ways, it should have been surprising had he not had three platinum albums in the 1980's, the last of which was Can't Hold Back.
Lots of synth, lots of echo, lots of sax. This is a pretty indicative album of the mid 80's. Ronnie Spector's haunting vocals on Take Me Home Tonight are amongst the most memorable of any in the decade, by anyone and Endless Nights is one of our favorite songs from our teenage years. I Wanna Go Back was a poor-man's Glory Days, and those three songs all landed in the Top 20 on the Billboard Chart, with the lead cut peaking at #4, the highest Money would ever get.
There was another single, We Should Be Sleeping, but it, along with the rest of the set, was pretty run of the mill stuff. Can't Hold Back is a nice trip back in time, but you're not going to find any forgotten pearls here.
Eddie Money is what he is.
The American Dream.
Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 1 (of 4)
Production: 3 (of 3)
Packaging: 2 (of 2)
First Blush: 2 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 14
Stars: 2.8 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots: This just in from the Imagine That department -- Steven Tyler has entered rehab...Good on Obama for urging the Donkeys not to push a healthcare bill through before the newly-minted Elephant from Massachussetts is seated (and a fitting end to the Kennedy dynasty it is)...We're going with Saints/Colts in the Conference Championship games...Pat Robertson -- you are too stupid for words...If you're interested, Here is the original New York Times article on Teddy Pendergrass' accident. A friend of a friend of my father's was the responding officer so there were some in Philadelphia who always knew about the tranny, but it never made print until 1994, here. A different world, indeed...This week's poll, at the bottom of the page is for your Super Bowl picks.
And with that, we bid you adieu.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
Item:
**This was the lead to a post written on 23 Dec 2009 which, due to our laziness, never made it to print.
Craig Lynch, 28, of England, escaped from Hollesley Bay prison back in September, but dude has continued to update his Facebook status almost daily, regaling his growing public with tales of his exploits, be they the dinner he had that night or the girl he will tonight. Guy has balls, we'll give him that. And before you ask -- hellz YEAH, we friended him!
Update: Lynch was re-arrested on 13 Jan. A fund has been established for the care of his Farmville animals, however. Please send checks c/o Gary Bates, to 5555 E. mockingbird Ln., Apt 1207; Dallas, Tx 75206, and know that you're keeping his animals alive.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
People tend to focus on the dangers and downside of the technology. SPAM, soccer moms texting in traffic, incessant penile enlargement ads; there's a lot of crap out there. Every once in a while though, something comes along that makes us say, "now that's what the (fill in the name of the technology) was invented for".
One of them happened about a year or so ago, when The Times of London made virtually their entire archives available online -- for free. Want to read about the birth announcement of Queen Elizabeth -- the first? Have at it. Care to peruse contemporary news coverage of the US Presidential election of 1800? Knock yourself out. A heretofore unimaginable cache of information became available at the click of a mouse. To quote Friend of the Blog Waldo, "now that's the kind of thing the internet was invented for."
Another example is something that is going on right now. Anyone who has a teenager or who has to spend any time at all in public knows how annoying people on cell phones can be. Seriously, SkatterKid has callouses on her thumbs from texting and if we see one more jackass on the front row of an NBA game stand up, turn around and wave to the camera, we're gonna buy some cheap seats and a high-powered assault rife and go Chuck Whitman on that fucker. But we digress.
As everyone knows, a horrific earthquake devastated Haiti last week. And that is truly the word for it. The loss of life is staggering. And the lives of those remaining in what was already a rough place to live, just got, if one can believe it, even more difficult. Orphans, hunger, despair. And, as always, the Red Cross is there to help. And they have teamed up with every cell phone carrier in an unprecedented example of the synergy modern technology allows for. By simply texting "Haiti" to 90999, $10.00 is donated to relief efforts. No phone call, no check, no stamp -- nothing. Bam! Ten dollars gets added to your phone bill and immediately goes to help people. In just the eleven days since the earthquake, over $305Million dollars has been raised.
Now that is what cell phones were invented for.
~~~
Fare thee well, Teddy , we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a song and some wheels.
An interesting note here, that shows the other side of how society and technology have changed, this time, in our opinion, for the worse:
When Teddy Pendergrass had the car accident in March of 1982 that landed him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, he was with a companion. The companion was a male-to-female transsexual. Can you imagine that not being the lead of the story, had the accident happened 28 days ago, instead of 28 years?
And they call us evolved.
~~~
Item:
What can we say about Gilbert Arenas? Dude brings three guns into the locker room of the Verizon Center and says he did so because his wife (who isn't really his wife, but just some babymama he shacks up with) and he just had a kid and he wanted to have a gun-free home. Sounds ok, even responsible. Couple of problems here though. First, there are plenty of pawn shops, safe deposit boxes and sewers in the DC area in which to deposit an unwanted firearm; your workplace should never be on that list. Second, the team you work for is called the Wizards, only because the owner -- who just died -- changed it from Bullets because he didn't want the association to violence. Standing amidst your fellow players, shooting finger pistols at them in pregame warmups two days after the story broke was probably not the brightest idea you've ever had, despite your dumbass teammates all laughing. Third, this is your third kid! What, the other two seemed ok, but Baby 3 looks like he likes to sling lead when his diaper gets dirty?
Seriously, we never knew Agent Zero was an intellectual reference. We always thought it was just because that was your uniform number.
~~~
Quote of the Week:
“Work hard and be kind, and amazing things will happen."
--Conan O'Brien, 2010
~~~
Internet Video of the Week:
Here.
~~~
Ridiculous Stat of the Week:
Shareholders of the companies Tiger Woods endorses are going to lose and estimated $25-40 Billion because he likes to bang chicks to whom he is not married. So, we went from buying houses we can't afford, to putting our money on a rich, young, famous, attractive man not screwing everything in sight.
Putting money in the mattress is looking better every day. (Unless the mattress is owned by a white chick that will ever be within 500 feet of Tiger Woods.)
~~~
Idiot of the Week:
The Philadelphia Eagles, for unanimously voting to name Michael "Cujo" Vick this year's receipient of the Ed Block Courage Award. According to the NFL, the Ed Block Award honors players who, "exemplify commitment to the principles of sportsmanship and courage", and all 32 teams select a winner. Aparently, going to prison for murdering defenseless animals exhibits sportsmanship, then falling into a million-dollar job where you work five minutes a week takes great courage.
And in the interest of fairness, we must report that the Dallas Cowboys, on the other hand, named assistant coach Joe DeCamillas as their Ed Block Award winner. DeCamillas broke five vertabrae in his neck when the team's practice facility collapsed last spring then returned to his job five days later, not missing another day of work until his appendix burst and he was rushed to the hospital. He missed a game for that but was back on the field by the next week.
Which guy do you think deserves an award?
~~~
Eddie Money
Can't Hold Back
1986
Take Me Home Tonight - (3:32)*
One Love - (4:13)
I Wanna Go Back - (3:59)*
Endless Nights - (3:24)*
One More Chance - (4:49)
We Should Be Sleeping - (3:59)*
Bring on the Rain - (4:57)
I Can't Hold Back - (3:52)
Stranger in a Strange Land - (3:36)
Calm Before the Storm - (4:32)
* - singles
Eddie Mahoney embodies the American Dream. He grew up on Long Island, became an NYC cop, like his dad, and his uncles and his granddads and settled into a life. He played a little sax, dabbled on the keyboards but could play a mean harmonica. So he sat in on the occasional gig and was the proverbial cop with a dream of Something More. But then he quit his job, changed his name, moved to California and BAM! Dude became a star. Only in America.
Eddie Money is neither a virtuoso musician nor a particularly gifted singer. He writes no music and very few lyrics. He was blessed with a solid backing band (including host-to-be of a certain program we will never mention, Randy Jackson), a manager who scored him some really good songs and producers who knew what they were doing. In many ways, it should have been surprising had he not had three platinum albums in the 1980's, the last of which was Can't Hold Back.
Lots of synth, lots of echo, lots of sax. This is a pretty indicative album of the mid 80's. Ronnie Spector's haunting vocals on Take Me Home Tonight are amongst the most memorable of any in the decade, by anyone and Endless Nights is one of our favorite songs from our teenage years. I Wanna Go Back was a poor-man's Glory Days, and those three songs all landed in the Top 20 on the Billboard Chart, with the lead cut peaking at #4, the highest Money would ever get.
There was another single, We Should Be Sleeping, but it, along with the rest of the set, was pretty run of the mill stuff. Can't Hold Back is a nice trip back in time, but you're not going to find any forgotten pearls here.
Eddie Money is what he is.
The American Dream.
Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 1 (of 4)
Production: 3 (of 3)
Packaging: 2 (of 2)
First Blush: 2 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 14
Stars: 2.8 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots: This just in from the Imagine That department -- Steven Tyler has entered rehab...Good on Obama for urging the Donkeys not to push a healthcare bill through before the newly-minted Elephant from Massachussetts is seated (and a fitting end to the Kennedy dynasty it is)...We're going with Saints/Colts in the Conference Championship games...Pat Robertson -- you are too stupid for words...If you're interested, Here is the original New York Times article on Teddy Pendergrass' accident. A friend of a friend of my father's was the responding officer so there were some in Philadelphia who always knew about the tranny, but it never made print until 1994, here. A different world, indeed...This week's poll, at the bottom of the page is for your Super Bowl picks.
And with that, we bid you adieu.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
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