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Item:

Our Super Bowl prediction:

Saints 27 - Colts 23. 

~~~
Item:

Here's some food for thought.

Heisman Award and NCAA championship-winning Tim Tebow is appearing in an ad during the Super Bowl, paid for by conservative Christian group Focus on the Family.  The ad, which has not been made available for review, will have him and his mother in it and it is believed they will talk about his mother's complications while carrying him, her doctors' reccomendations that she terminate the pregnancy, her decision not to and the obvious end results.

Feminist groups have blasted the ad, with the director of the National Organization for Woman (NOW) saying, "it's a shame he chose this day to try to force his agenda down America's throat -- on a day that was created to bring people together, not drive them apart".

Really?  We always thought the Super Bowl was created to figure out who would be champion of the National Football League.

Not speaking to the content of his message, we applaud Tebow for standing up for what he beleieves in, knowing that that same stance could cost him millions of dollars in the NFL draft.  Our guess is the ad is not going to be all fire and brimstone and will probably not be nearly as offensive as the femi-nazis would have you think.  Remember, they have not seen the ad yet, either.

Why are we as a society so afraid to hear a message we may disagree with?  And why do we tell our atheletes and celebrities that they should be role models but then blast them whenever they do something courageous, or -- worse yet -- articulate?  Why can't Miss California give an honest answer to a question about a political issue?

If we have devolved to a point where these types of actions are not acceptable, then don't be bitching the next time your son's favorite player knocks a woman up out of wedlock  or a starlett goes to rehab for the twelfth time.

Can't have it both ways, folks.

~~~
Fare thee well, JD, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a healthy dose of teen angst.

~~~
Item:

So we were telling someone the other day just why the Colts should not be allowed to win the Super Bowl -- they screwed over Baltimore.  She didn't get it.  So we started explaining the "rules" to her.  You know -- the rules for winning a championship.  Not familiar with them?  Well, well, we're here to help.

Rule 1:  No team should be allowed to make the playoffs in their first ten years of existence and no championships for the first 25.

Rule 2: No team that deserts a loyal fan base should ever be allowed to win a championship.  There are exceptions to this rule, whereby a vagabond team is eligible for a title.
           --Exception 1:  If the team left because of poor attendance and/or support.
           --Exception 2: The wronged city has won a championship since the team fled and before
                                  the  fleeing team has. (Scorned city must always have one more title than new one)
           --Exception 3: Everybody's dead.  If it has been more than 50 years since the team moved.
           --Exception 4: Any city that has stolen another city's team has no claim on desertion should they
                                  lose their team.
          
Rule 3: Any team that has bad fans, as determined by the Committee (of one) -- no championship for you.

Rule 4: The Baltimore Rule: Baltimore stole the Browns. They can never have a title. In anything. Ever.

Rule 5: Any team that does not play where their name indicates is inelligible to win a title.

Rule 6:  The Dome Rule: If you play in a room, on a rug, you cannot win a championship.

Rule 7: Any team that plays on a rug and not grass, is inelligible to win a title.


This week, lets look at the NFL and see what teams are allowed to win a Super Bowl.

Group A, teams that are out:

Atlanta Falcons -- Bad fan base, games blacked out when they are not playing well. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Baltimore Ravens -- The Baltimore Rule (inelligible in perpetuity)
Carolina Panthers -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, but not Super Bowl)
Cincinnati Bengals -- Bad fan base (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Dallas Cowboys -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to Dallas or rename the team Arlington)
Denver Broncos -- Rug Rule
Detroit Lions: Dome Rule (inelligible until they grow testicles and play outdoors)
Houston Texans -- <25 years old (inelligible for playoffs or Super Bowl)
Indianapolis Colts -- An interesting quirk here.  The Colts were relieved of their obligation of pennance when the Ravens won a Super Bowl and were free to win their own, and did, a few years ago.  Problem is, they cannot surpass Baltimore in number of post-desertion titles, and Baltimore is forbiden to ever win another one, by nature of the Baltimore Rule.  Sorry Indy.  (ineligible in perpetuity, unless the Ravens move from Baltimore).
Jacksonville Jaguars: <25 years old, and a bad fan base. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Minnesota Vikings -- Dome Rule (inelligible until they move outdoors)
New England Patriots -- Rug Rule
New York Giants -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to New York or rename team New Jersey)
New York Jets -- See Giants, New York
Seattle Seahawks -- Rug Rule

Group B, teams with issues, and our determination:

Arizona Cardinals.
Violation:  They abandonned two cities.
Mitigation: Everyone in Chicago who was there with the Cardinals is dead or senile; both StL and Chicago have won a Super Bowl since the Cardinals' departure.
Ruling: Eligible

Kansas City Chiefs
Violation: They abandoned Dallas, then won a Super Bowl before the Cowboys.
Mitigation: It was part of the AFL/NFL merger and Dallas was too small for two teams; Dallas went on to win four Super Bowls.
Ruling: Eligible

Oakland Raiders
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles.
Mitigation: They did so to return to the city they abandonned for LA.
Ruling: 15 years' inelligibility, expires in 2011.

St. Loius Rams
Violation: They abandoned Cleveland
Mitigation: Everyone who was there then, is dead now
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: No one cared.
Violation:  They play in a dome.
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until they play outdoors

Tennessee Titans
Violation: They abandoned Houston
Mitigation: It's Houston, you'd leave too.  And the fans did not support them.  Still...
Ruling: 20 years' ineligibility

Buffalo Bills
Violation: OJ
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until OJ dies (or finds the "real killer")

San Diego Chargers
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: They were in the AFL at the time, no one cared and it's like a 90 minute drive if anyone did.
Ruling: Eligible

Group C, Tems with no encumberances to a title (other than, perhaps, talent)

Bears, Browns, Packers, Dolphins, Saints*, Eagles, Steelers, 49ers, Buccaneers, Redskins.

*The Saints have been given a 25-year exception to the Dome and Rug rules, in consideration of the ongoing recovery from Hurricane Katrina.  If they are not playing outside, on grass, in 2030, they become inelligible.

So, of the remaining teams this season, the Saints are the only one allowed to win the Super Bowl.  Next year's eligible teams will be the:

Arizona Cardinals
Chicago Bears
Cleveland Browns
Green Bay Packers
Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins
New Orleans Saints
Philadelphia Eagles
Pittsburgh Steelers
San Diego Chargers
San Francisco 49'ers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Washington Redskins

~~~
Quote of the Week:

““The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”
--Theodore Roosevelt

~~
Idiot of the Week:

Paul Shirley, former NBA baller, recently-former espn.com contributor, who bashed relief efforts for Haiti, in a piece he wrote for The Mothership. 

Among his gems:

"Very few have said, written, or even intimated the slightest admonishment of Haiti, the country, for putting itself into a position where so many would be killed by an earthquake."

Yeah, because no one would be killed if a major earthquake hit Los Angeles, where you live, jackass.


"Shouldn’t much of the responsibility for the disaster lie with the victims of that disaster?"

Actually, no. In this case, we don't think it was the five year-old girl's fault a fucking earthquake happened.

Just in case he was not condescending and offensive enough, he went on to write this open letter to the Haitian people:


Dear Haitians –

First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.

As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?

Sincerely,

The Rest of the World

This is offensive on so many levels.  Not to mention it demonstrates an absolute lack of comprehention of the concepts of  geopolitical economics and systemic poverty. 

Look, you don't want to donate, Paul -- no worries.  That is your right.  But pick up a fucking book before castigating a people you have no understanding of.  And then drop to your knees and thank God you grew up in in the United States and never had to endure anything like what those people are dealing with.

Despite your pseudointellectual bullshit, if you were born a poor kid in Haiti, we can pretty much guarantee you'd be a poor man in Haiti right now.  If you were fortunate enough to not burried under 16 tons of concrete.

~~~~
Vintage Album Review of the Week:

Rod Stewart
Camouflage
1984

Infatuation - (5:15)*
All Right Now - (4:42)*
Some Guys Have All the Luck - (4:34)*
Can We Still Be Friends -(3:51)
Bad for You - (5:19)
Heart is on the Line - (4:04)
Camouflage - (5:21)
Trouble - (4:42)
* - singles

By 1984, Rod Stewart, who had started off trying to be a serious songwriter, had forgone all pretense of art and rock 'n roll and had completely sold out to the gods of pop.  With Camouflage, he delivered a half-hearted, short (8-song) set that is polished, but unremarkable.  The only writing he did for it was the lead sinlge, "Infatuation", which he shares a writing credit with two other guys for.  It sounds an awful lot like "Passion" from a few albums prior, so it's not hard to deduce where his "writing" credit came from.  Jeff Beck puts in a decent performance on guitar, but uber-producer Michael Omartian's ham-fisted layering of synthazation pretty much kills most of even that.  Some Guys Have All the Luck is a touchstone pop performance and Rod turns is a pretty good remake of Tod Rungren's "Can We Still Be Friends".  Still, this is a bad album.  The singles can be procured on a Greatest Hits complilation and nothing -- nothing -- else on this LP is worth paying for.  Even the packaging was bad - a rough, non-glossy cover, no liner notes at all and really cheesy-looking labels on thin vynil.

Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 1 (of 4)
Production: 1 (of 3)
Packaging: 0 (of 2)
First Blush: 1 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 9
Stars: 1.8 (of 5)

~~~
Parting shots:

Congtratulations to Kurt Warner for getting while the gettin's good.  Enjoy playing with -- and recognizing -- the grandkids you will one day have...

And with that, we bid you adieu.

Until next time,

Keep the Faith

Focused on the Blue Notes

We're off!


Item:


**This was the lead to a post written on 23 Dec 2009 which, due to our laziness, never made it to print.


Craig Lynch, 28, of England, escaped from Hollesley Bay prison back in September, but dude has continued to update his Facebook status almost daily, regaling his growing public with tales of his exploits, be they the dinner he had that night or the girl he will tonight.  Guy has balls, we'll give him that.  And before you ask -- hellz YEAH, we friended him!


Update: Lynch was re-arrested on 13 Jan.  A fund has been established for the care of his Farmville animals, however.  Please send checks c/o Gary Bates, to 5555 E. mockingbird Ln., Apt 1207; Dallas, Tx 75206, and know that you're keeping his animals alive.


~~~
Item:


Here's some food for thought.


People tend to focus on the dangers and downside of the technology.  SPAM, soccer moms texting in traffic, incessant penile enlargement ads; there's a lot of crap out there.  Every once in a while though, something comes along that makes us say, "now that's what the (fill in the name of the technology) was invented for".


One of them happened about a year or so ago, when The Times of London made virtually their entire archives available online -- for free.  Want to read about the birth announcement of Queen Elizabeth -- the first? Have at it.  Care to peruse contemporary news coverage of the US Presidential election of 1800?  Knock yourself out.  A heretofore unimaginable cache of information became available at the click of a mouse.  To quote Friend of the Blog Waldo, "now that's the kind of thing the internet was invented for."


Another example is something that is going on right now.  Anyone who has a teenager or who has to spend any time at all in public knows how annoying people on cell phones can be.  Seriously, SkatterKid has callouses on her thumbs from texting and if we see one more jackass on the front row of an NBA game stand up, turn around and wave to the camera, we're gonna buy some cheap seats and a high-powered assault rife and go Chuck Whitman on that fucker.  But we digress.


As everyone knows, a horrific earthquake devastated Haiti last week.  And that is truly the word for it.  The loss of life is staggering.  And the lives of those remaining in what was already a rough place to live, just got, if one can believe it, even more difficult.  Orphans, hunger, despair.  And, as always, the Red Cross is there to help.  And they have teamed up with every cell phone carrier in an unprecedented example of the synergy modern technology allows for.  By simply texting "Haiti" to 90999, $10.00 is donated to relief efforts.  No phone call, no check, no stamp -- nothing.  Bam! Ten dollars gets added to your phone bill and immediately goes to help people.  In just the eleven days since the earthquake, over $305Million dollars has been raised.


Now that is what cell phones were invented for.


~~~


Fare thee well, Teddy , we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a song and some wheels.


An interesting note here, that shows the other side of how society and technology have changed, this time, in our opinion, for the worse:


When Teddy Pendergrass had the car accident in March of 1982 that landed him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, he was with a companion.  The companion was a male-to-female transsexual.  Can you imagine that not being the lead of the story, had the accident happened 28 days ago, instead of 28 years?  


And they call us evolved.


~~~
Item:


What can we say about Gilbert Arenas?  Dude brings three guns into the locker room of the Verizon Center and says he did so because his wife (who isn't really his wife, but just some babymama he shacks up with) and he just had a kid and he wanted to have a gun-free home.  Sounds ok, even responsible.  Couple of problems here though.  First, there are plenty of pawn shops, safe deposit boxes and sewers in the DC area in which to deposit an unwanted firearm; your workplace should never be on that list.  Second, the team you work for is called the Wizards, only because the owner -- who just died -- changed it from Bullets because he didn't want the association to violence.  Standing amidst your fellow players, shooting finger pistols at them in pregame warmups two days after the story broke was probably not the brightest idea you've ever had, despite your dumbass teammates all laughing.  Third, this is your third kid!  What, the other two seemed ok, but Baby 3 looks like he likes to sling lead when his diaper gets dirty?


Seriously, we never knew Agent Zero was an intellectual reference.  We always thought it was just because that was your uniform number.


~~~
Quote of the Week:


“Work hard and be kind, and amazing things will happen."
--Conan O'Brien, 2010


~~~
Internet Video of the Week:


Here.


~~~
Ridiculous Stat of the Week:


Shareholders of the companies Tiger Woods endorses are going to lose and estimated $25-40 Billion because he likes to bang chicks to whom he is not married.  So, we went from buying houses we can't afford, to putting our money on a rich, young, famous, attractive man not screwing everything in sight.


Putting money in the mattress is looking better every day.  (Unless the mattress is owned by a white chick that will ever be within 500 feet of Tiger Woods.)    


~~~
Idiot of the Week:


The Philadelphia Eagles, for unanimously voting to name Michael "Cujo" Vick this year's receipient of the Ed Block Courage Award.  According to the NFL, the Ed Block Award honors players who, "exemplify commitment to the principles of sportsmanship and courage", and all 32 teams select a winner.  Aparently, going to prison for murdering defenseless animals exhibits sportsmanship, then falling into a million-dollar job where you work five minutes a week takes great courage.


And in the interest of fairness, we must report that the Dallas Cowboys, on the other hand, named assistant coach Joe DeCamillas as their Ed Block Award winner. DeCamillas broke five vertabrae in his neck when the team's practice facility collapsed last spring then returned to his job five days later, not missing another day of work until his appendix burst and he was rushed to the hospital.  He missed a game for that but was back on the field by the next week.


Which guy do you think deserves an award?  


~~~

Vintage Album Review of the Week:


Eddie Money
Can't Hold Back
1986


Take Me Home Tonight - (3:32)*
One Love - (4:13)
I Wanna Go Back - (3:59)*
Endless Nights - (3:24)*
One More Chance - (4:49)
We Should Be Sleeping - (3:59)*
Bring on the Rain - (4:57)
I Can't Hold Back - (3:52)
Stranger in a Strange Land - (3:36)
Calm Before the Storm - (4:32)
* - singles


Eddie Mahoney embodies the American Dream.  He grew up on Long Island, became an NYC cop, like his dad, and his uncles and his granddads and settled into a life.  He played a little sax, dabbled on the keyboards but could play a mean harmonica.  So he sat in on the occasional gig and was the proverbial cop with a dream of Something More.  But then he quit his job, changed his name, moved to California and BAM!  Dude became a star.  Only in America.


Eddie Money is neither a virtuoso musician nor a particularly gifted singer.  He writes no music and very few lyrics.  He was blessed with a solid backing band (including host-to-be of a certain program we will never mention, Randy Jackson), a manager who scored him some really good songs and producers who knew what they were doing.  In many ways, it should have been surprising had he not had three platinum albums in the 1980's, the last of which was Can't Hold Back.


Lots of synth, lots of echo, lots of sax.  This is a pretty indicative album of the mid 80's.  Ronnie Spector's haunting vocals on Take Me Home Tonight are amongst the most memorable of any in the decade, by anyone and Endless Nights is one of our favorite songs from our teenage years.  I Wanna Go Back was a poor-man's Glory Days, and those three songs all landed in the Top 20 on the Billboard Chart, with the lead cut peaking at #4, the highest Money would ever get.


There was another single, We Should Be Sleeping, but it, along with the rest of the set, was pretty run of the mill stuff.  Can't Hold Back is a nice trip back in time, but you're not going to find any forgotten pearls here.


Eddie Money is what he is.


The American Dream.


Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 1 (of 4)
Production: 3 (of 3)
Packaging: 2 (of 2)
First Blush: 2 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 14
Stars: 2.8 (of 5)


~~~
Parting shots: This just in from the Imagine That department -- Steven Tyler has entered rehab...Good on Obama for urging the Donkeys not to push a healthcare bill through before the newly-minted Elephant from Massachussetts is seated (and a fitting end to the Kennedy dynasty it is)...We're going with Saints/Colts in the Conference Championship games...Pat Robertson -- you are too stupid for words...If you're interested, Here is the original New York Times article on Teddy Pendergrass' accident.  A friend of a friend of my father's was the responding officer so there were some in Philadelphia who always knew about the tranny, but it never made print until 1994, here.  A different world, indeed...This week's poll, at the bottom of the page is for your Super Bowl picks.


And with that, we bid you adieu.


Until next time,


Keep the Faith

Focused on the NBA: 2k9-10 Preview

Before we dive into the roundball, we want to share an article that tries to solve one of life's most elusive mysteries: why would anyone be a Cleveland Browns fan?  The piece, by espn.com Page 2's Geoff LaTulippe, can be found here.

Now to basketball!

The NBA is in danger of turning into Major League Baseball.  And that is not a good thing.  Just as, every August, Pirate, Padre and Expo nee Nationals loyalists see their hopes traded away to the Big Money teams in New York and L.A., a disturbing trend took place this Association off season.  The rich got richer, as is wont to happen, but this time around, it was the poorest of the poor who facilitated much of the movement.

The Nets traded away Vince Carter and got Rafer Alston and spares.  The Bucks shipped Richard Jefferson in exchange for three guys they immediately cut.  We don't know what the hell the plan in in Minnesota, but it appears to involve shedding any player who is to be paid an actual salary.  These moves, and countless other like them, will make for a great playoff chase and even better post season series but are bad for the long-term health of the game. It remains to be seen if the moves of this summer past are all about the general economy and/or positioning for the Free Agent Class of 2010. or if they are a harbinger of the future of the NBA.  We hope it is the former.

Now on the the preseason awards and useless predictions:

First Coach to be Fired:

Scott Brooks, Oklahoma City Thunder.  Unrealistic expectations, paired with a mediocre team and a lack of other coaches on the hot seat make Scotty our pick.

Don't be shocked if it's: Don Nelson, Golden State Warriors.  Just a hunch.

Breakout Season Coming From:

Greg Oden, Portland Trail Blazers.  Dude is itching to play after a wasted rookie campaign.  With a year-older crew around him and hopes for a long playoff run ahead, look for the old man to be a monster this year.

Don't be shocked if it's: Aaron Brooks, Houston Rockets

We Give Up On:

Rafer Alston, New Jersey Nets.  A really good streetballer.  That's all he will ever be.

We Still Say He's a Star In-the-Making:

Andrea Bargnani, Toronto Raptors.  But if we don't see a breakout this season, we're done with him too.

Best Off Season, Team:

Orlando Magic.  The defending Conference Champions traded Corky Turkoglu high, picked up Brandon Bass and Matt Barnes, then suckered the Mavs into sending to them via trade, the cash needed to match Dallas' offer sheet to Marcin Gortat.  We're not sold on Vince the Malingerer being the key to a title, but this summer was a classic example of a team reloading on the fly.  Also considered: The Los Angeles Lakers picking up Ron-Ron; The Boston Celtics bulking up with 'Sheed, Marquis Daniels.

Worst Off Season, Team:

We want to give this to the Minnesota Timberwolves, but we can't.  Sure they drafted three point guards in the first round -- and then watched the best of the trio refuse to sign; sure they made moves out of financial desperation rather than competitive desire; sure, their team is going to be horrendous this season.  Still, they made a great hire in Kurt Rambis at head coach and finally jettisoned Lerch McHale.

That leaves the Milwaukee Bucks as the team with the worst off season.  They traded Richard Jefferson for, when subsequent deals were done, Carlos Delfino, then let Ramon Sessions and Charlie Villanueva walk.  They got one spare part, in exchange for their second thru fourth-leading scorers from last season. This team will struggle to merely compete.  And they have the ugliest uniforms in professional sports.  Also considered: Houston Rockets' injury parade; Golden State Warriors' Captain Jack flare up.

Best Off Season, Fans:

The Dallas Mavericks turned Jerry Stackhouse, Deaven George and Greg Buckner into Shawn Marion, Drew Gooden and Tim Thomas.  They also have Erik Dampier's expiring contract to trade at the deadline, in exchange for another top-tier free agent.  Things have not looked this good in Big D since the start of the 2006-07 season.

Worst Off Season, Fans:

Sacramento Kings.  The worst defensive team in the NBA last season hired Paul Westphal as their head coach.  Not only is Whestphal the epitome of the offensive-minded coach, he had also been out of the league for eight years.  Oh yeah, the team is leaving Sacramento, too.  You are a Kings fan -- fyl.

Best Off Season Trade:

San Antonio Spurs aquiring Richard Jefferson for Bruce Bowen, Fabricio Oberto and Kurt Thomas.  We're not convinced Jefferson is as good as advertised, but picking up a guy of his skill, in exchange for three guys that had no future in the Alamo City is just another example of how well-run an organization the Spurs are.

Worst Off Season Trade:

Golden State Warriors sending  Marco Belinelli to Toronto (where he will thrive), for a broken down Devean George, who was horrid in his two seasons in Dallas.

Sam Cassell Award for he who will bitch the loudest this season about the contract he voluntarily signed:

Stephen Jackson, Golden State Warriors.  Dude signed an extension in July, got suspended in September and was stripped of his captaincy this month.  Look for him to be shipped out sooner than later.  Look for him to be an absolute cancer until then.

Shawn Bradley Award for most undeserved contract given to a free agent: 

Theo Ratliff, San Antonio Spurs. Also considered: Juwan Howard, Portland Trail Blazers.

Tyronn Lue Award for he who will turn three good playoff games into a ridiculous long-term contract:

Tyron Lue, Boston Celics.  Lue has been named Director of Basketball Develpoment for the C-Men.

Penny Hardaway Award for most overrated player in the NBA: 

Michael Redd, Milwaukee Bucks.  We just don't get the fascination with this one-dimensional player, on a bad team.

Fashion Award:  

The Mavs, Cavs and Blazers have some great new alternate unis and the Bobcats have quite possibly the worst of all-time, but the hands-down winner ofr this year's award has to be the Philadelphia 76'ers, who, in a nod to history, went from this to this.  Classic lines, clear fonts -- a great look.  

All-Jobless Team, as of 25 October:

PG – Stephon Marbury
SG – Jerry Stackhouse
SF – Bruce Bowen
PF – Malik Rose
C – Lorenzen Wright
Sixth Man: Darius Miles
Coach: Avery Johnson

Rookie of the Year:

Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers.  If we picked anyone else, it would be a purely contrarian move.  And we'd never do that.

And the Number One pick in the 2008 NBA Draft belongs to: 

Las Vegas...err Sacramento Kings.

Where They Will Be, One Year From Now:

Le Bron James -- Cleveland

Dwayne Wade -- Dallas (or somewhere else that is not Miami)

Chris Bosh -- Toronto

Where they stand at the start of the season, our initial Power Rankings:

30.  Sacramento Kings - Just nothing to hope for this season.

29.  Milwaukee Bucks - Picking up Hakeem Warrick may be only good off season move.

28.  Moscow Nyets - The fire sale continues.  Will the move to Brooklyn ever happen? 

27.  Memphis Grizlies - AI will score 50 per game.  And Memphis will lose 80% of them.

26.  New York Knicks - When the season ends, and LBJ is not in NYC, the real rebuilding can begin. 

25.  Minnesota Timberwolves - Bad teams win a lot early and late in the season.  Minny is raw, but talented.

24.  Golden State Warriors - You thought the flame-out of Run TMC was ugly?  Just wait.

23.  Indiana Pacers - Traded crap for crap with the W's.  Neither got appreciable better.

22.  Houston Rockets - Time to pull the plug on the Sleepy McGrady/Yao era and rebuild. 

21.  Oklahoma City Thunder - Playoff talk is nonsense.

20.  Washington Wizards - The perpetually overrated Wiz have an appropriately overrated coach, in Flip.

19.  Chicago Bulls - Another team banking on the Summer of 2010.  Foolishly.

18.  Miami Heat - Better hope D-Wade is not basing his decision on the outcome of this season.

17.  Charlotte Bobcats - Can Tyson Chandler and LB get them to their first post season berth?

16.  Philadelphia 76'ers - It's all about Elton.

15.  Phoenix Suns - Nash and Amare get you to the playoffs at least, right?

14.  Detroit Pistons - Their rebuild on the fly will keep them at least mediocre.

13.  Los Angeles Clippers - Griffin and Butler are nice upgrades.  But they are the Clippers.

12.  New Orleans Hornets - This may be the last time for a while they enter a season this high.

11.  Utah Jazz - If the Boozer situation explodes, they will tumble, Jerry Sloan greatness notwithstanding.

10.  Toronto Raptors - There's an interesting mix North of the border.  This team will be fun to watch.  

  9.  San Antonio Spurs - Not sold on Jefferson as the answer.  Can they stay healthy?

  8.  Denver Nuggets - We're still not convinced last year was real.  Can they repeat the performance?

  7.  Atlanta Hawks - Can Coach Woodson finally reach Jamal Crawford?  

  6.  Portland Trail Blazers - Still a year away from being scary-good.

  5.  Dallas Mavericks - Solid team can be legitimate contender with the right trade for the Damp contract.

  4.  Cleveland Cavaliers - Shaq + 'Bron could = ring, if Delonte West stays on his meds.

  3.  Boston Celtics - It all comes down to KG's knees.

  2.  Orlando Magic - Surprise winners of the East got even better.

  1.  Los Angeles Lakers - Ron Artest was the perfect addition to this team.

And finally, our annual Useless Playoff Predictions:

EAST: 

Division Champions:  Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Orlando Magic
Should get in:  Atlanta Hawks, Toronto Raptors

The Scrum: Philadelphia 76'ers, Miami Heat, Chicago Bulls, Detroit Pistons, Washington Wizards

Give the Slots to: Philly, Miami and Washington

Round One: 
(1) Orlando over (8) Washington 
(2) Cleveland over (7) Miami 
(3) Boston over (6) Toronto 
(4) Atlanta over (5) Chicago 

Conference Semifinals: 
Orlando over Atlanta 
Boston over Cleveland 

Conference Finals: 
Boston Celtics over Orlando Magic 

WEST:

Division Champions: Denver Nuggets, Los Angeles Lakers, Dallas Mavericks 
Should get in: Portland Trail Blazers, Utah Jazz, San Antonio Spurs, New Orleans Hornets
The scrum: Los Angeles Clippers, Phoenix Suns
Give the slot to: Los Angeles Clippers. 

Round One: 
(1) Los Angeles Lakers over (8) Los Angeles Clippers 
(7) Utah over (2) Denver  
(3) Dallas over (6) New Orleans
(4) Portland over (5) San Antonio

Conference Semifinals: 
LA Lakers over Portland 
Dallas over Utah 

Conference Finals: 
Los Angeles Lakers over Dallas Mavericks 

Your 2009-2010 NBA Champions: 

Los Angeles Lakers, over Boston, in 7. 

30 teams...82 games...236,160 minutes of pure roundball bliss!

Life is good.

PS: The results of last week's poll, asking for World Series Predictions:

Phillies vs Angels - 50%

Phillies vs Yankees/Dodgers vs Angels - 25% each.

This week's poll is at the bottom of this post.

Focused on Ron LeFLore

We're off!

Item:

Time magazine has done something very interesting.  They have bought a house in Detroit.  Intentionally.

They have moved some writers in and will have others reside temporarily, to chronicle the death and hoped-for resurrection of a city.  We knew things were bad in Motown.  But damn.

Just a few figures:

--Detroit was once the 4th-largest city in the nation.  It is now 11th
--70% of the homicides in Detroit in the last 12 months remain unsolved
--In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, unemployment in New Orleans topped out at 11%
    -Detroit's unemployment rate today is am incomprehensible 28.9%
--51% of the houses in Detroit are vacant
--There are 0 national chain grocery stores within the 138 square-mile city limits.  Zero!

If figures don't convey the state of things adequately, here is a photographic essay of the city.  Here is the cover story from this week's issue. (it is very long)

We find it both alarming that this can happen to a United States city and a relief that it is not the one we live in.    As Time continues its journey, we'll pass along things we find interesting.  We've added a link to Time's Detroit Blog in the side panel.  If you tweet, you can follow the project by clicking on the cover story then the link to Twitter.

~~~
Item:

Here's some food for thought.

Bruce Hornsby was onto something.  Some things indeed will never change.

Lest we be deluded into thinking that the Jena 6 saga would actually change anything in Louisiana, we present for your perusal one Keith Bardwell, Justice of the Peace for Tangipahoa Parish.  Bardwell refused to issue a marriage license to Beth Humphrey and Terence McKay.  Because they were related?  No.  Because one of them was underage?  Nope.  Because one of them was legally barred from marrying?  Uh-uh.  No, he refused to issue the license because Humphrey is white and McKay is black.

But it's not racism.  "“I do ceremonies for negr...color....um...black couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children,”   Riiiight.  (ok, we added the negr...color...um... part)

Guess that's just the way it is.

~~~

Fare thee well, Captain Lou, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a rubber band, a good seat by the ring and some of those gold coins that Mario goes for.

~~~
Item:

All we're saying is that the Balloon Boy of Colorado had to be put up to it by the parents.  Think about this -- your kid releases a balloon into the sky, gets scared he will get into trouble and hides in the attic.  You can't find him. The cops get called.  An ass-load of cops, helicopters, rescue workers and half the FAA start tracking the balloon, thinking the kid's in it.  The story goes viral and about half the office workers -- and all of the cable news network viewers -- are riveted for like an hour.  Balloon crashes, everyone freaks out.  Turns out junior is safe in the attic, and all is well.

After you hug the life out of the kid, what would you do?  You'd beat his ass.  Then be mortified at the trouble your kid caused.  This is assuming you are not an attention whore.  The parents of this kid were.  And our money is on them having planned it.

And just an idea to the parents of young Falcon (yes, that was really his name).  Name the next kid Goldfish.  He'll be easier to keep track of.

~~~
Quote of the Week:

“Qui cantat, bis orat” or, "He who sings prays twice".

--Augustine of Hippo, c.430

~~~
Internet Video of the Week:

Here.

~~~
Ridiculous Story That Actually Appeared in a Publication of the Week:

Here.

Bitch, please!

~~~
Idiot of the Week:

Rick Perry, Governor of Texas.

We brought you the story of Todd Willingham last week.  Governor Goodhair broke his silence on the case on Wednesday, offering the profound nugget that he is "convinced by other factors in the case beyond the science that (Willingham) is a murderer."  Because surely we don't want arson investigations being thrown off track by something as silly as this "science" nonsense.

Perhaps we should depend on the work of mystics and psychics.  Like at trial.

~~~

Vintage Album Review of the Week:
As reviewed by Guest Blogger John Waldowski

Yeah, Waldo flaked on us, so we have to sub in something we can review on the fly.  Here goes:

Billy Joel
The Bridge
1986

-Running on Ice (3:15)
-This is the Time (4:59)*
-A Matter of Trust (4:09)*
-Modern Woman (3:48)*
-Baby Grand (4:02)*
-Big Man on Mulberry St. (5:26)
-Temptation (4:12)
-Code of Silence (5:15)
-Getting Closer (5:00)
* - singles

We really got into music relatively late, at around 12 or 13 years old.  So The Bridge was the first "new" Billy Joel album we ever bought.  Actually bought is not the right term. It was August of 1986 and we were on the Wildwood boardwalk.  We passed some type of game of chance and saw the prizes were albums.  Sure as hell, there was a pirate copy of the two-weeks-from-release new Billy Joel album.  We proceeded to blow about twenty bucks in increments of a quarter handed to the guy working the game until dude finally took pity on us and just gave us the damned thing.  We raced to the hotel room and realized -- we don't have a damned turntable!

We finally did listen to it and by way of review, we will chronicle our reaction.

Needle hits vinyl.  A few seconds later -- BAM! a frenetic burst of keyboards then...Sting starts singing?  What the hell?  No, it's Billy.  But he kind of sounds like Sting.  All in all we really liked Running on Ice.  It should have been a single...Song fades then This is the Time starts.  Kind of reminded us of the Jeff Beck/Rod Stewart collaboration on People Get Ready.  But we liked the seaside setting in the lyrics and the LP was off to a good start...1-2-ah 1234. WOW.  Wow oh wow oh fuckingaye wow!  We knew the first single from the album was called A Matter of Trust.  But wow!  It was amazing.  We loved it.  Billy on guitar! (ok so it was rhythm not lead, but still!)  It instantly became our favorite Billy Joel song...Then came Modern Woman, which had been released on the Ruthless People soundtrack and had peaked on the Billboard chart at number 9. We dug it and were thinking this was the greatest album in the history of ever.  An Innocent Who?...Then the opening notes of Baby Grand trickled through the speakers.  OK, we got it -- Ray Charles was a legend.  And he was like 473 years old, and blind.  But we initially hated the song.  Billy sang. "they say that no one's gonna play this on the radio" and we thought, "damned straight! (of course this didn't stop us from dragging our buddy Billyrob to see Charles that winter at the South Carolina State Fair, in the hopes of hearing Baby Grand -- he didn't play it but his set was amazing and we instantly became fans).  All in all we were pretty pleased with the first side of the album.  Then we turned it over...Four songs?  What the hell is this?  You've had three years and we get four freaking songs?  And not like three songs and one that's like 20 minutes long.  No -- four songs.  Oh well, they gotta be as good as the first side, right?...The horns of Big Man on Mulberry Street fired off and we were just frozen.  This had to be some type of pressing mistake at the album factory.  That's why it was on the damned boardwalk early!  Then the singing started.  It was like Billy Joel bouncing back from laryngitis. Poorly.  It sucked!...Then a ballad.  Temptation was a nice, melodic piano-based love song.  "OK", we thought, "now we're back on track.  And the next song was a duet with Cyndi Lauper.  This had to be good...Yeah, about that.  Not so much.  Code of Silence was a mangled mass of harmonica, acoustic guitar and Lauperesque yelping.  No likey...Last chance Billy.  And Getting Closer failed to save the day...We were crushed.  It started out so great, then just crashed and burned.  But that first side!  

The Bridge was the last full-length album Billy Joel and his longtime producer Phil Ramone would work on together.  Listening to it now it is east to tell why.  the production is awful.  The "really cool" echo on Billy's voice on Trust was unintentional.  You can actually hear him call out chords during Code and the seams are clearly audible throughout.  Ramone allowed Billy oversing Temptation badly and, having heard the alternate, unused version of Closer as part of Billy's 2006 My Lives box set release, clearly cose the wrong one to put on the album, wasting the best of Steve Winwood's Hammond organ work.

This was a very uneven album and the material really doesn't sound like it all belongs on the same set.  Trust and Grand have held up well and, surprisingly, Big Man is now one of our favorite songs.  Running should have been a single and, had it been produced right, Temptation would have probably been the better ballad single.  Modern has aged badly but the rest of it really hasn't.  It just wasn't done that well to start with.

Music:  3 (of 5)
Lyrics:  3 (of 5)
Authorship:  3 (of 4)
Production: 0 (of 3)
Packaging: 2 (of 2)
First Blush: 1 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1) No video for Modern or Time, but we love the chick that showed up with a rat for Trust (at 2:44 in the clip linked above) -- and the fact that Billy is playing a Gibson signed by Les Paul. We figure that's enough to salvage the point.
Total: 14
Stars: 2.8 (of 5)

~~~
Parting shots:

It's League Championship series time in Major League Baseball and we're making the call for a Freeway Series: Phillies in 7, Yankees in 6.  (I-95 goes right from Philly to NYC).  What do you think?  Click on the poll below and we'll publish results next week...Last week the readers got it right by picking the Phillies, Yankees and Dodgers to win their series, while the poll was split on the BoSox/Halos series...Big props to an unnamed blogger, for balling up for bikers, here...Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Cribbs wants a new contract.  Seems his current deal only runs through 2012.  And pays him a meager $1.35 Million per year.  For a team that has one win.  For whom he is not the leading receiver.  When asked about the situation, Cribbs replied, "I'm gonna be stuck." If by stuck you mean forced to earn $25,961.54 a week for essentially doing nothing, then we suggest you ask a UAW "worker" how he copes with, essentially, the same situation.  Cribbs went on to lament, "I don't know what I am going to do."  How about shutting the hell up and playing?  In the last year of Michael Jordan's rookie contract, he was the 27th-highest-paid player in the NBA.  But he never complained.  How did that work out?

And with that, we bid you adieu.

Until next time,

Keep the Faith

Focused on Sharon Tate

We're off!

Item:

Roman Polanski is a rapist.  We don't care if he is a great director.  We don't care if he's a really nice guy.  We don't care if he's lived in out-in-the-open-life-of-a-millionaire "hiding" for decades.  Dude drugged and raped a 13 year old girl. 

We don't care if she looked older.  We don't care if she acted older.  We don't care if she says the media has been worse to her than Polanski was. 

While we do care that Polanski was in Poland when the Nazis rolled through, ending up in the Krakow Ghetto, it has no bearing on the fact that he confessed to giving alcohol and drugs to a child and sodomizing her.  He was convicted in a court of law -- he did it.  And he needs to go to prison. 

We understand plea bargains and how they can get someone to take a guilty verdict to get a lighter sentence, but there is no way in hell someone confesses to raping a little girl unless he did it.  But even that is immaterial.  The conviction is the only thing that matters.  As far as the court is concerned, he is guilty.  That's all there is to it. 

He also needs to get the extra seven years the rest of us would get for skipping bail. 

And he needs to be in GenPop.

~~~
Reason 847,612 we hate Texas:

On 23 December 1991, a house in Corsicana, Texas burned down.  Three children died in the fire.  Their father, Todd Willingham,  was charged with murder and arson in connection.  He was offered a life sentence in exchange for a confession and declined.  He went to trial, was convicted and sentenced to death.  After Willingham exhausted all of his appeals, the execution was carried out on 17 February 2004.

Since the execution, nine different fire investigators, in three separate reports, have reviewed the Willingham fire -- one of these was commissioned by the State to do so.  Each found that there was no evidence of arson.  In fact, Dr. Craig Beyler, hired by the Texas Forensic Science Commission to review the case, wrote in his report that, "a finding of arson could not be sustained". He went on to say the evidence at trial was, "hardly consistent with a scientific mind-set and is more characteristic of mystics or psychics".

Clearly an innocent man was murdered by the State of Texas.  Clearly, despite all the appeals Willingham had at his disposal, the system failed to get it right.  How then, can anyone justify the practice of capital punishment?

One would think the State would want to do anything it can to prevent this from ever happening again.  In that vein, the Texas Forensic Science Commission was scheduled to meet on 2 October 2009 to discuss the Beyer Report, in preparation for presentation to the Governor. 

On 30 September -- two days before the scheduled meeting -- Governor Rick Perry replaced the chair and two of the other seven members of the commission.  The new chair, John Bradley, promptly cancelled the meeting.  When asked why, he responded that he needed, "to get up to speed on what the Forensic Science Commission does", before proceeding.  When asked when the commission would be meeting next, Bradley responded, "oh, I couldn't even begin to guess when."

So the Governor of Texas replaced damned-near half of a commission, on the eve of a critical meeting, putting a man in charge who doesn't even know what the commission does and has no idea when they will reconvene.  Lovely.

Did we mention that Perry faces a primary challenge in March?  We're sure it's totally unrelated to his not wanting a commission to find a man was executed in error, almost assuredly leading to a moratorium on the practice.

~~~
Fare thee well, Susan Atkins, enjoy Hell.  You died exactly where you should have.

~~~
Quote of the Week:

“Problems that go away on their own come back on their own."
--Chuck Sullivan, 2009

~~~
Internet Video of the Week:

~~~
Ridiculous Story That Actually Appeared in a Publication of the Week:

Here.

Wow.  He wins custody, she kidnaps the kids and he ends up in jail. 

And we thought the US courts were screwed.

~~~
Idiot of the Week:

Whoopi Goldberg. 

According to Goldberg, what Roman Polanski did was not rape.  Getting a 13 year old girl drunk, slipping her some ludes, some lube and some dude is apparently ok in the world 'o Whoopi. 

When discussing the Polanski case on The View, she displayed her heretofore unknown legal prowess, by stating, "I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and when they let him out he was like, 'You know what, this guy's going to give me a hundred years in jail. I'm not staying.' So that's why he left."

Hmm.  First, Whoopi, he was not in jail.  He was in a psychiatric facility for evaluation.  Second, there is no crime called "rape-rape".  It's pretty much rape or not rape.  Third, that "guy" was the judge in the case.  And yes, just-plain-rapists go to jail.  Just like rapist-rapists.

And in an apparent attempt to leave absolutely no doubt that she is an idiot, she went on to say, "would I want my 14-year-old having sex with somebody? Not necessarily, no."

Not necessarily?!?!?!? 

~~~

Vintage Album Review of the Week:

Peter Cetera

Solitude/Solitaire

1986

-Big Mistake (5:39)*

-They Don't Make em Like They Used To (4:04)

-Glory of Love (4:20)*
-Queen of the Masquerade Ball (3:50)
-Daddy's Girl (3:46)
-The Next Time I Fall (3:43)*
-Wake Up to Love (4:29)
-Solitude/Solitaire (4:58)
-Only Love Knows Why (4:29)*
* - singles

Now, we told you some of these albums would be embarrassing.  This would be an example of that.  But in our defense, Chicago 17 was the definitive album of our time and Karate Kid the epitome of great cinema. 

Right?

Ok, ok.  We had shit taste in music.  Happy? 

Still, we owned it and actually paid iTunes to reacquire it, so we need to review it.

When this album came out, we loved it.  It had all the cool new gadgetry of the late 80's -- synthesized drums, synthesized horns, strange sounds of unknown origin -- hell we're not sure a single acoustic instrument was actually used in its creation.  What sounded fresh and new in 1986 though, sounds really dated in 2009.

The formula is pretty simple: take Chicago, get rid of the horns, lean a little more toward Stay the Night than Hard Habit to Break, keep Cetera and add a touch of the horns back in -- but synthesized.  Overproduce the hell out of it and you get Solitude/Solitaire.

Cetera's voice alone gets the album a couple of points.  It's distinctive, if a tad limited in range but we like it.  The lyrics are solid, if not stunning.  The production, while it ruins some songs that might have been pretty good, stole right from the David Foster playbook when it came to the two biggest hits, Glory of Love, which rocketed up the charts once Karate Kid went the 1980's version of viral and The Next Time I Fall, featuring Amy Grant, who took a break from Christian music to make the record (which is probably a good idea, since she would soon be banging a man who was not her husband -- and no longer is).  The two songs, along with Only Love Knows Why all sound like they were probably originally written for Chicago 18, before Cetera bolted.  And honestly, they're really the only three songs that hold up.  Be it because of quality or familiarity, we're not quite sure.  But since these songs are all available on a Greatest Hits album, there is no real reason to buy this one.

Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 2 (of 4)
Production: 1 (of 3)
Packaging: 1 (of 2)
First Blush: 2 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 12
Stars: 2.4 (of 5)

~~~
Parting shots:  Real AP headline this week: "Saturn Dealers, Owners Shocked Over End of Brand". Umm, how?...The results of last weeks' poll: 66% want minimal givernment intervention in healthcare, 33% want none.  This week's poll is at the bottom of the page...Congratulations to the 2009 National League Eastern Division Champion Philadelphia Phillies.  Let the Playoff Beard flow...Speaking of the MLB playoff scene, we pick PHI over COL, StL over LAD, NYY over MIN and BOS over LAA.

And with that, we bid you adieu.

Until next time,

Keep the Faith