We're off!
Item:
Lou Piniella has always been one of our favorites. A guy who played better than his talents. A winner in almost every city he managed in. A great quote and an epic tantrum-thrower. He worked with both George Steinbrenner and Marge Schott. He played for Billy Martin. The stories the man could tell. Sweet Lou retired today, to tend to his ailing mother. Not many of us are afforded the opportunity to be in a position to just walk away from our job to pay attention to what matters. Not may who can actually do. Good luck, Lou. And our prayers for your mother.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
Name the streets that surround the former site of the World Trade Center's twin towers. You can't? OK, name two of them. Still can't? Then why do you care if a mosque is built two blocks away?
If you cannot even name the streets, it's safe to assume you do not live in New York City. You have no traffic concerns due to the construction of the new Park 51 Islamic Center. Your city services won't be adversely affected by the loss of tax revenue from the location due to its exempt status. Your property values will remain unchanged and you won't interact in any way with the people who go there. So again we ask -- why do you care if the place is built?
Personally, we don't care one way or the other if a mosque is built in New York City. Nor do we care if something truly evil -- like a Wal-Mart -- is constructed. It doesn't affect us. It's none of our business.
Now, we do have a problem with religious persecution. And we are troubled by the staggering ignorance of our countrymen, most of whom, like us, live hundreds, even thousands, of miles from Ground Zero. And yet they rant on about the travesty of a mosque being built so close to the former WTC site. Why?
The most popular argument is that its proximity to the site of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 is an insult to the dead. Really? Well, if two blocks is inappropriate, how about six? Or ten. Or twelve. Should there be no mosques on Manhattan island? Or should the ban extend to the City limits? Where is the line? Where does it become discrimination?
Should we go back through all of our history and make sure we're not building something that will offend dead people? Christians have bombed abortion clinics. How far from those sites should we prohibit construction of their churches? Klansmen claim to be Christians as well. Do we forbid construction of Southern Baptist churches anywhere near a lynching or beating or rape or cross burning? Sorry Alabama -- no churches for you. Anywhere. Let's not even start to get into how limited construction options would be were we to take into consideration the offenses to Native Americans. Where does it end? The closing of synagogues in Germantown, TN?
It's not like pornography, where one can say, "I know it when I see it". The constitution is clear here. Muslims -- just like Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Wiccans, et al -- have an inalienable right to build their places of worship wherever they see fit. Preventing them from doing so would be illegal and even wanting to stop them is against everything this country stands for. You want the terrorists to win? Then blame everyone of the Muslim faith for the events of September 11th. Be the stupid, hateful, elitist bully they say we are. Become what we hate. Then -- the terrorists will have truly won.
~~~
Fare thee well, Bobby Thompson. We'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a shot.
~~~
Item:
This city of Philadelphia is closing five fire stations per day for one shift, on a rotating basis, in an effort to curb costs. The firefighters' union is screaming bloody murder, telling every media outlet they can get to that the policy is endangering lives and the city is now unsafe. On the surface, we see their point. It appears to be a reckless policy that cuts costs in one of the worst possible areas. That is, until one hears the proverbial rest of the story. Turns out the city has been closing five houses a day for years, with those firefighters going to training classes. In the event of a fire, the houses rotate coverage and there have been no fatalities as a result of the policy. It should be noted that the union did not oppose this initial policy. The only change that has actually been made now is that, instead of five crews going to training, two will do so. The other three houses will be dispersed throughout the city to cover vacations, off days and PTO days for other firefighters. So in reality, more firefighters will be working every day, providing more coverage, over more of the city. The only difference is that now they won't be getting overtime -- proving once again just how far past their usefulness unions have become. They would rather terrify an uninformed public in order to get a few more bucks for their members than support a policy that not only cuts costs but is actually making the city a safer place to live.
~~~
Quote of the Week:
“It's like a very good marriage. I found when push came to shove, I just did not want to leave.."
--Vin Scully, on his decision to return for a 62nd season in the Los Angeles Dodgers' broadcast booth.
~~~
Internet Video of the Week:
Here.
~~~
Ridiculous Story That Actually Appeared in a Publication of the Week:
"After surveying 374 waitresses, professor Michael Lynn, who teaches marketing and tourism at Cornell University, told the Cornell Daily Sun, that he had concluded that customers left larger tips to those with certain physical characteristics such as being slender, being blond or having big breasts."
Umm...ya think?
"Lynn...said...his study was important in helping potential waitresses gauge their 'prospects in the industry'."
~~~
Idiot Criminal of the Week:
Ethan Ayers, 18, was arrested in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in March after an alleged mugging. Police found him easily, as his transportation that night was a relative's van advertising in large lettering, "Big Earl's Gold Mine," a Des Moines strip club.
~~~
Vintage Album Review of the Week:
Paul Simon
Graceland
1986
The Boy in the Bubble - (4:00)*
Graceland - (4:51)*
I Know What I Know- (3:13)
Gumboots - (2:45)
Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes - (5:51)
You Can Call Me Al -(4:41)* (Can you believe this video cannot be found on the internet?!?!?)
Under African Skies - (3:37)
Homeless - (3:49)
Crazy Love, Vol II - (4:19)
That Was Your Mother - (2:52)
All Around the World or the Myth of the Fingerprints - (3:19)
* - singles
We came to music late in life, not buying our first album until the age of 13. We later realized that we had loved music all along, still knowing words to songs from our childhood, but the realization of that love was not until our early teens. Graceland was our second musical awakening. It exploded into our ears with wondrous sounds we'd never heard. Odd rhythms, strange instruments -- listening to this album opened our ears to an entirely new melodic world and led to the exploration of music we never would have thought to explore had we not heard it.
As much an artistic masterpiece as a political statement (although recorded mostly in South Africa and using predominantly local musicians, the apartheid government received nothing from the endeavor), Graceland is one of those albums that one simply must possess in order to have a definitive American collection.
In these songs are the African roots of zydeco, jazz and calypso. In their lyrics are the story of us all. Distinctly not Top 40 material, despite featuring one of the best videos of the decade and one of the absolutely most bad-ass bass riffs ever on You Can Call Me Al, the album explores the exotic without being gimmicky. It addresses social injustices without being preachy. It pays homage without being condescending. In short, it is as close to a perfect album as possible.
Listening to it almost 25 years later, it still broadens our horizons and takes us to a new place every time we press play.
Music: 5 (of 5)
Lyrics: 4 (of 5)
Authorship: 4 (of 4)*
Production: 3 (of 3)
Packaging: 2 (of 2)
First Blush: 2 (of 2)
Aging: 3 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 24 Stars: 4.8 (of 5)
*Although Simon had a number of co writers on the project, we deduct no points because, had he written it alone, a good deal of the authenticity of the sound very well could have been lost.
~~~
Parting shots:
With the recent discovery of new remains, our prayers go out to the poor souls murdered at Duffy's Cut near Malvern, Pennsylvania in 1832. We come from Irish immigrants ourselves and hope light finally comes to bear on what really transpired all those years ago...Is Betty White not awesome?...We're glad to see Vin Scully's staying around for at least one more year...With the return of Chase Utley and Ryan Howard, we're feeling pretty good about the Phillies' chances going into the home stretch...While writing this, we learned of the death of a former classmate, Lori Storck, 41, of Philadelphia. She leaves behind four kids and a husband, along with many, many friends. We wish her soul well on its journey and pray for her family.
And with that, we bid you adieu.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
22 August 2010
17 April 2010
Focused on Craig Eloh
We're off!
Item:
The baseball season is getting in full swing (no pun intended), hockey is beginning its trek to the Cup and the NBA Playoffs kick off this weekend. With spring in the air, life is good in the land of Fodder.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
What do we as a society want from our homeless population? Homelessness is a reality. An unfortunate one but in a country of this size and complexity, a reality nonetheless. The reasons are myriad and not our focus in this post. The solutions aren't really the focus here, either. What we are talking about is what we want to "do" with the ones that are on the streets now. By and large, as harsh as it sounds, we as a society want them to be invisible. We don't want to be asked for money at a traffic light. We don't want to see abject poverty in our lovely little suburbs. In short, we generally don't want to deal with it. Or them.
Now there are plenty of organizations -- and individuals, ourselves amongst them -- who feel differently. But as a whole, society just doesn't want to be faced with the homeless population on a daily basis.
We give you Camden, New Jersey. More specifically, an area of Camden located in a secluded wooded area between an offramp and some railroad tracks called Tent City. It is in this area that over 100 homeless people have lived for over four years. In that time, this self-sufficient village has had precisely four arrests for domestic violence. There have been zero sexual assaults, zero murders and zero armed robberies. Can your neighborhood say that? The people of Transitional Park, as the residents call it, eat communal meals, prepared by village cooks. Regardless of what they have going on, they take the time to eat dinner together. Does your family do that? The community has sixteen simple laws. Everyone has an assigned job and they all perform theirs. There is a mandatory community meeting and bible study every Tuesday night. Violators and malingerers are banished.
So what you have is a self-sufficient (albeit with the help of private donations of food and cookware) community of several hundred people, living in a low-crime environment, without a penny of governmental assistance. And they like where they live.
Enter the suits. The (ya gotta just love the irony in this name) Camden County Community Development Program has decided to shut down Tent City. So, instead of 200 people living in the woods, supporting themselves and not bothering anyone, South Jersey and neighboring Philadelphia will be the recipients of a diaspora of hungry, desperate, pissed off people that local social agencies are inadequately equipped or funded to assist.. Smooth move, Camden County.
That's change we can believe in.
~~~
Fare thee well, Dixie, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a room. While you're at it, go ahead and Design it for us.
Fare thee well, Robert, Jaimie and John, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a Hero, some class and...wait for it...and Angel.
and this just in:
Fare thee well, Daryl, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a beat-down.
~~~
Item:
NBA Playoff Predictions
EASTERN CONFERENCE
(1) Cleveland Cavaliers vs (8) Chicago Bulls
Vinnie the Hair and John Paxon are having fistfights, the Bulls didn't clinch the last playoff slot until the final night of the season and the Cavs have LeBron. Still, the Bulls will steal one. Maybe.
Cavaliers in 5.
(2) Orlando Magic vs (7) Charlotte Bobcats
The Bobs are heading to the playoffs for the first time. They are greatly overmatched in this series and there are questions about Tyson Chandler's health. Still, Charlotte is coached by The Greatest Basketball Mind of Our Time and that will get them a win. Two if Chandler is healthy.
Magic in 5
(3) Atlanta Hawks vs (6) Milwaukee Bucks
The Bucks are one of the season's pleasant surprises -- ok, outright shockers. Brandon Jennings appears to be the real deal, Andrew Bogut is finally playing like a lottery pick and Methusala Stackhouse brings the mean. The Hawks appear to have maxed out. They're a good to very good team who won't ever get past the Big Dogs. Whether it is the Celtics and Pistons of the last few years or the Cavaliers and Magic of today, Atlanta always seems to have a couple of teams that play a tier above them. And it will always be that way because no one wants to play in Atlanta and they have a poorly-run organization. With Joe Johnson getting ready to bolt for the NYC, 2010 is probably where the Hawks peak, before a gradual slide back to mediocrity. With the Bucks' injuries though, the party should go one more round.
Hawks in 6
(4) Boston Celtics vs (5) Miami Heat
Ugly. This is one of those series that is very hard to pick, not because the teams are so good but rather we're trying to pick which one sucks less. Old Men vs D-Wade and the Salary Cap Spacers. Neither one will deserve the win but the Celtics will suck slightly less. Maybe.
Celtics in 7
Conference Semifinals:
Cavaliers over Celtics in 4
Magic over Hawks in 5
Eastern Conference Finals
Cavaliers over Magic in 6
WESTERN CONFERENCE
(1) Los Angeles Lakers vs (8) Oklahoma City Thunder
The Lakers do not scare anyone anymore and even if they did, the Okies are too young to know any better. They will run the Lakers up and down the court and put up a noble fight, before eventually falling.
Lakers in 6
(2) Dallas Mavericks vs (7) San Antonio Spurs
The underrated Mavs are clicking at the right time, Jason Kidd is a man on a mission and the Spurs look old and slow. Dallas is simply the better team. We'll give Popovich one game and pride another, but that's about it.
Mavericks in 6
(3) Phoenix Suns vs (6) Portland Trail Blazers
Blazers PG Brandon Roy's injury killed their chances in this series, which we would have really liked. We think the Suns are overrated but with the injury situation, Portland is overmatched.
Suns in 5
(4) Denver Nuggets vs (5) Utah Jazz
This is going to be a phenomenal series. And the winner will beat up on the Lakers in the next round. "Win one for the Gipper" vibe aside, we learned long ago to never bet against Jerry Sloan in an evenly-matched series.
Jazz in 7
Conference Semifinals:
Lakers over Jazz in 6
Mavericks over Suns in 6
Western Conference Finals
Mavericks over Lakers in 6
NBA FINALS
Cleveland Cavaliers over Dallas Mavericks, in 6
~~~
Quote of the Week:
“Government taxes are but a pittance compared to the more grievous obligations we face, for we are twice as much by out idleness, three times as much by our pride, and four times as much by our folly.”
--Benjamin Franklin
~~~
Internet Link of the Week:
In a nod to Epic Beard Man's video of posts past...
Click here.
~~~
Ridiculous Story That Actually Appeared in a Publication of the Week:
Here.
Wow. That's all we got. Wow.
~~~
Idiot Criminal of the Week:
Ben Roethlisberger of The Pittsburgh Steelers. Oh wait -- he's not been convicted of anything? Or even charged?
Then why is everyone looking to punish the guy? Don't care if it is the second woman; don't care if it is the 22nd woman -- dude was not charged with a criminal act. That means as far as the law is concerned, he did nothing wrong.
Let's be careful about wanting guys to suffer for things we think they did but they never got convicted of doing. Sometimes it's pretty clear the jury got it wrong. But what would you want people to do if it were you being accused of something you never got charged for?
~~~
Guest Rant:
[I have] to wonder, just what the fark is wrong with Peter Angelos, owner of the Baltimore Orioles. In a recent report, about hiring Cal Ripken in a baseball capacity, Angelos, nixed the idea in a separate conversation with Ripken, telling him, according to three sources, that he did not want Ripken to receive credit once the team returned to prominence.
Really? So now you're incapable of giving credit where it would be due. Seriosly? You're 1-10. Winning less than 10% of your games. Allow me to introduce you to a new dessert, Peter. It's called humble pie.
Never mind the 9,123 you drew to a game with NOTHING else going on in your town. There was no question about the Capitals making a playoff spot, nor was there any doubt the Wizards were going nowhere. So the distractions of other sports' playoff races was a non-factor, yet you drew 9,123 to watch Tampa (who was in the World Series in 2008) play your miserable, uninspired, unmotivated team. Please, do not be like the Brewers, and bitch about not having the money to spend on top-tier talent. With the luxury tax dollars and revenue sharing you're getting from teams that have the testicular fortitude to go out and spend some cash on players/managers/front office staff, you've got plenty of money to spend. This, is just more reason baseball either needs to contract, get rid of revenue sharing/luxury tax or institute a payroll floor that teams must spend xx amount or give back the revenue sharing money.
--Adamant baseball aficionado, road-trip buddy and Friend of Fodder Richard " 'lil Ricky" Adams.
~~~
Vintage Album Review of the Week:
You May Be Right - (4:15)*
Sometimes a Fantasy - (3:40)*
Don't Ask Me Why - (2:59)*
It's Still Rock and Roll to Me - (2:57)*
All for Leyna - (4:15)
I Don't Want to Be Alone - (3:57)
Sleeping with the Television On - (3:02)
Cétait Toi (You Were the One) - (3:25)
Close to the Borderline - (3:47)
Through the Long Night - (2:43)
* - singles
After the breakout The Stranger and its Grammy Award-winning, Album of the Year follow up 52nd Street, suddenly Billy Joel went from opening act/small club player to arena filler. Trouble was, he didn't feel he had the kind of material he needed to play the bigger venues. So, on his seventh album, be set about writing some rockers. The results, released 30 years ago this week, were mixed.
Billy has always had a hate/hate relationship with his record label. He has always felt they have tried to pigeonhole him in the crooner's corner, while he has adamantly protested that he's a rock 'n roll guy. Or as Rob Michaud, front man of Responsibly Johnny once put it, "he's pissed that he is famous but not for what he wants to be famous for". And while part of Joel's gripes with the label may be true, as evidenced by Columbia Records' single selection on his albums, the fact is that at the height of his creative career, at a time when he could have pretty much turned in anything and they would have had to accept, release and promote it, Billy only rocked so hard.
The very best material on this album never made it to the airwaves. Fortunately, neither did the very worst. All for Leyna, with its staccato keyboards and desperate lyrics perfectly encapsulate the angst of the spurned teen, who thinks he'll never meet another girl like her again. The masturbatory anthem that is Sometimes a Fantasy (with the second-best Billy Joel video ever) was released so late in the album that it never had a chance and Sleeping with the Television On was so perfect a pseudo-new-wave-yet-still-acceptable-in-the-suburbs tune, so singularly perfect a song for its time in popular music that the only way we can understand it not being released as a single is that some suit at Columbia went all Jack Wotlz on it, "it's perfect for him...it'll make him a big star! So Billy Joel never gets that single!"
As for the rest of the unreleased stuff, it ranges from mediocre (I Don't Want to Be Alone as a poor man's Piña Colada Song) to atrocious (Through the Long Night being, outside of If I Only Had the Words, Joel's absolute worst song. Ever.). Throw in some bad French on Cétait Toi (we checked with a buddy in Montreal to verify the poor quality) and his worst single ever, the uber-saccharine Don't Ask Me Why, and you have a not-so rocking, not so great set at times.
Still, You May Be Right closes Joel's concerts to this day, It's Still Rock and Roll to Me was his first number one single and the old folks love Don't Ask Me Why. The good stuff on this album is really good and many of them are amongst our favorite songs. The bad is tolerable, and is minimal. If looking for hidden gems, this is one of the best Billy Joel albums one could buy.
Music: 3 (of 5)
Lyrics: 3 (of 5)
Authorship: 4 (of 4)
Production: 3 (of 3)
Packaging: 2 (of 2)
First Blush: 2 (of 2)
Aging: 2 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 20
Stars: 4.0 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots:
Big props to Arizona, who is about to make it a state crime to be in the United States illegally. Heretofore, it was a federal infraction that local law enforcement had no power to enforce. This is not racism. This is protecting the border. As we've said ad nauseum, we have no problem with legal immigration. Pass a background check, get a job and come on in. But if you are here illegally, by definition everything you do here is illegal...Big thumbs down to Georgia which just became the first state without an arts agency. Because surely they're not wasting money elsewhere that could have gone to it...Idiot of the week runner-up goes to the ACLU (shock), who are actually opposing the Alabama Department of Corrections' policy of segregating HIV positive prisoners. Yeah, let one of them go to prison for, say, writing a bad check, then get ass-raped and come out of the pen with AIDS. Let's see how they feel about it then...Lest we be deluded into thinking the Donkeys have cornered the market on wasting our tax dollars, Taxpayers for Common Sense statistics place seven Elephants amongst the top 15 securers of earmarks paid to private companies...And finally, we leave you with this:
How bad does it suck to be Mayor Barbara Brock, of Tracy City, Tennessee, outside of the obvious fact that she lives in Tracy City, Tennessee? Well, she just lost her reelection bid to Carl Geary, by a vote of 268-85. Geary died three weeks before the election. To paraphrase the late, great Al Johnson, "It just ain't your damned day if you win an election and don't get to keep the job just because you're dead."
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
Item:
The baseball season is getting in full swing (no pun intended), hockey is beginning its trek to the Cup and the NBA Playoffs kick off this weekend. With spring in the air, life is good in the land of Fodder.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
What do we as a society want from our homeless population? Homelessness is a reality. An unfortunate one but in a country of this size and complexity, a reality nonetheless. The reasons are myriad and not our focus in this post. The solutions aren't really the focus here, either. What we are talking about is what we want to "do" with the ones that are on the streets now. By and large, as harsh as it sounds, we as a society want them to be invisible. We don't want to be asked for money at a traffic light. We don't want to see abject poverty in our lovely little suburbs. In short, we generally don't want to deal with it. Or them.
Now there are plenty of organizations -- and individuals, ourselves amongst them -- who feel differently. But as a whole, society just doesn't want to be faced with the homeless population on a daily basis.
We give you Camden, New Jersey. More specifically, an area of Camden located in a secluded wooded area between an offramp and some railroad tracks called Tent City. It is in this area that over 100 homeless people have lived for over four years. In that time, this self-sufficient village has had precisely four arrests for domestic violence. There have been zero sexual assaults, zero murders and zero armed robberies. Can your neighborhood say that? The people of Transitional Park, as the residents call it, eat communal meals, prepared by village cooks. Regardless of what they have going on, they take the time to eat dinner together. Does your family do that? The community has sixteen simple laws. Everyone has an assigned job and they all perform theirs. There is a mandatory community meeting and bible study every Tuesday night. Violators and malingerers are banished.
So what you have is a self-sufficient (albeit with the help of private donations of food and cookware) community of several hundred people, living in a low-crime environment, without a penny of governmental assistance. And they like where they live.
Enter the suits. The (ya gotta just love the irony in this name) Camden County Community Development Program has decided to shut down Tent City. So, instead of 200 people living in the woods, supporting themselves and not bothering anyone, South Jersey and neighboring Philadelphia will be the recipients of a diaspora of hungry, desperate, pissed off people that local social agencies are inadequately equipped or funded to assist.. Smooth move, Camden County.
That's change we can believe in.
~~~
Fare thee well, Dixie, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a room. While you're at it, go ahead and Design it for us.
Fare thee well, Robert, Jaimie and John, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a Hero, some class and...wait for it...and Angel.
and this just in:
Fare thee well, Daryl, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a beat-down.
~~~
Item:
NBA Playoff Predictions
EASTERN CONFERENCE
(1) Cleveland Cavaliers vs (8) Chicago Bulls
Vinnie the Hair and John Paxon are having fistfights, the Bulls didn't clinch the last playoff slot until the final night of the season and the Cavs have LeBron. Still, the Bulls will steal one. Maybe.
Cavaliers in 5.
(2) Orlando Magic vs (7) Charlotte Bobcats
The Bobs are heading to the playoffs for the first time. They are greatly overmatched in this series and there are questions about Tyson Chandler's health. Still, Charlotte is coached by The Greatest Basketball Mind of Our Time and that will get them a win. Two if Chandler is healthy.
Magic in 5
(3) Atlanta Hawks vs (6) Milwaukee Bucks
The Bucks are one of the season's pleasant surprises -- ok, outright shockers. Brandon Jennings appears to be the real deal, Andrew Bogut is finally playing like a lottery pick and Methusala Stackhouse brings the mean. The Hawks appear to have maxed out. They're a good to very good team who won't ever get past the Big Dogs. Whether it is the Celtics and Pistons of the last few years or the Cavaliers and Magic of today, Atlanta always seems to have a couple of teams that play a tier above them. And it will always be that way because no one wants to play in Atlanta and they have a poorly-run organization. With Joe Johnson getting ready to bolt for the NYC, 2010 is probably where the Hawks peak, before a gradual slide back to mediocrity. With the Bucks' injuries though, the party should go one more round.
Hawks in 6
(4) Boston Celtics vs (5) Miami Heat
Ugly. This is one of those series that is very hard to pick, not because the teams are so good but rather we're trying to pick which one sucks less. Old Men vs D-Wade and the Salary Cap Spacers. Neither one will deserve the win but the Celtics will suck slightly less. Maybe.
Celtics in 7
Conference Semifinals:
Cavaliers over Celtics in 4
Magic over Hawks in 5
Eastern Conference Finals
Cavaliers over Magic in 6
WESTERN CONFERENCE
(1) Los Angeles Lakers vs (8) Oklahoma City Thunder
The Lakers do not scare anyone anymore and even if they did, the Okies are too young to know any better. They will run the Lakers up and down the court and put up a noble fight, before eventually falling.
Lakers in 6
(2) Dallas Mavericks vs (7) San Antonio Spurs
The underrated Mavs are clicking at the right time, Jason Kidd is a man on a mission and the Spurs look old and slow. Dallas is simply the better team. We'll give Popovich one game and pride another, but that's about it.
Mavericks in 6
(3) Phoenix Suns vs (6) Portland Trail Blazers
Blazers PG Brandon Roy's injury killed their chances in this series, which we would have really liked. We think the Suns are overrated but with the injury situation, Portland is overmatched.
Suns in 5
(4) Denver Nuggets vs (5) Utah Jazz
This is going to be a phenomenal series. And the winner will beat up on the Lakers in the next round. "Win one for the Gipper" vibe aside, we learned long ago to never bet against Jerry Sloan in an evenly-matched series.
Jazz in 7
Conference Semifinals:
Lakers over Jazz in 6
Mavericks over Suns in 6
Western Conference Finals
Mavericks over Lakers in 6
NBA FINALS
Cleveland Cavaliers over Dallas Mavericks, in 6
~~~
Quote of the Week:
“Government taxes are but a pittance compared to the more grievous obligations we face, for we are twice as much by out idleness, three times as much by our pride, and four times as much by our folly.”
--Benjamin Franklin
~~~
Internet Link of the Week:
In a nod to Epic Beard Man's video of posts past...
Click here.
~~~
Ridiculous Story That Actually Appeared in a Publication of the Week:
Here.
Wow. That's all we got. Wow.
~~~
Idiot Criminal of the Week:
Ben Roethlisberger of The Pittsburgh Steelers. Oh wait -- he's not been convicted of anything? Or even charged?
Then why is everyone looking to punish the guy? Don't care if it is the second woman; don't care if it is the 22nd woman -- dude was not charged with a criminal act. That means as far as the law is concerned, he did nothing wrong.
Let's be careful about wanting guys to suffer for things we think they did but they never got convicted of doing. Sometimes it's pretty clear the jury got it wrong. But what would you want people to do if it were you being accused of something you never got charged for?
~~~
Guest Rant:
[I have] to wonder, just what the fark is wrong with Peter Angelos, owner of the Baltimore Orioles. In a recent report, about hiring Cal Ripken in a baseball capacity, Angelos, nixed the idea in a separate conversation with Ripken, telling him, according to three sources, that he did not want Ripken to receive credit once the team returned to prominence.
Really? So now you're incapable of giving credit where it would be due. Seriosly? You're 1-10. Winning less than 10% of your games. Allow me to introduce you to a new dessert, Peter. It's called humble pie.
Never mind the 9,123 you drew to a game with NOTHING else going on in your town. There was no question about the Capitals making a playoff spot, nor was there any doubt the Wizards were going nowhere. So the distractions of other sports' playoff races was a non-factor, yet you drew 9,123 to watch Tampa (who was in the World Series in 2008) play your miserable, uninspired, unmotivated team. Please, do not be like the Brewers, and bitch about not having the money to spend on top-tier talent. With the luxury tax dollars and revenue sharing you're getting from teams that have the testicular fortitude to go out and spend some cash on players/managers/front office staff, you've got plenty of money to spend. This, is just more reason baseball either needs to contract, get rid of revenue sharing/luxury tax or institute a payroll floor that teams must spend xx amount or give back the revenue sharing money.
--Adamant baseball aficionado, road-trip buddy and Friend of Fodder Richard " 'lil Ricky" Adams.
~~~
Vintage Album Review of the Week:
Billy Joel
Glass Houses
1980You May Be Right - (4:15)*
Sometimes a Fantasy - (3:40)*
Don't Ask Me Why - (2:59)*
It's Still Rock and Roll to Me - (2:57)*
All for Leyna - (4:15)
I Don't Want to Be Alone - (3:57)
Sleeping with the Television On - (3:02)
Cétait Toi (You Were the One) - (3:25)
Close to the Borderline - (3:47)
Through the Long Night - (2:43)
* - singles
After the breakout The Stranger and its Grammy Award-winning, Album of the Year follow up 52nd Street, suddenly Billy Joel went from opening act/small club player to arena filler. Trouble was, he didn't feel he had the kind of material he needed to play the bigger venues. So, on his seventh album, be set about writing some rockers. The results, released 30 years ago this week, were mixed.
Billy has always had a hate/hate relationship with his record label. He has always felt they have tried to pigeonhole him in the crooner's corner, while he has adamantly protested that he's a rock 'n roll guy. Or as Rob Michaud, front man of Responsibly Johnny once put it, "he's pissed that he is famous but not for what he wants to be famous for". And while part of Joel's gripes with the label may be true, as evidenced by Columbia Records' single selection on his albums, the fact is that at the height of his creative career, at a time when he could have pretty much turned in anything and they would have had to accept, release and promote it, Billy only rocked so hard.
The very best material on this album never made it to the airwaves. Fortunately, neither did the very worst. All for Leyna, with its staccato keyboards and desperate lyrics perfectly encapsulate the angst of the spurned teen, who thinks he'll never meet another girl like her again. The masturbatory anthem that is Sometimes a Fantasy (with the second-best Billy Joel video ever) was released so late in the album that it never had a chance and Sleeping with the Television On was so perfect a pseudo-new-wave-yet-still-acceptable-in-the-suburbs tune, so singularly perfect a song for its time in popular music that the only way we can understand it not being released as a single is that some suit at Columbia went all Jack Wotlz on it, "it's perfect for him...it'll make him a big star! So Billy Joel never gets that single!"
As for the rest of the unreleased stuff, it ranges from mediocre (I Don't Want to Be Alone as a poor man's Piña Colada Song) to atrocious (Through the Long Night being, outside of If I Only Had the Words, Joel's absolute worst song. Ever.). Throw in some bad French on Cétait Toi (we checked with a buddy in Montreal to verify the poor quality) and his worst single ever, the uber-saccharine Don't Ask Me Why, and you have a not-so rocking, not so great set at times.
Still, You May Be Right closes Joel's concerts to this day, It's Still Rock and Roll to Me was his first number one single and the old folks love Don't Ask Me Why. The good stuff on this album is really good and many of them are amongst our favorite songs. The bad is tolerable, and is minimal. If looking for hidden gems, this is one of the best Billy Joel albums one could buy.
Music: 3 (of 5)
Lyrics: 3 (of 5)
Authorship: 4 (of 4)
Production: 3 (of 3)
Packaging: 2 (of 2)
First Blush: 2 (of 2)
Aging: 2 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 20
Stars: 4.0 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots:
Big props to Arizona, who is about to make it a state crime to be in the United States illegally. Heretofore, it was a federal infraction that local law enforcement had no power to enforce. This is not racism. This is protecting the border. As we've said ad nauseum, we have no problem with legal immigration. Pass a background check, get a job and come on in. But if you are here illegally, by definition everything you do here is illegal...Big thumbs down to Georgia which just became the first state without an arts agency. Because surely they're not wasting money elsewhere that could have gone to it...Idiot of the week runner-up goes to the ACLU (shock), who are actually opposing the Alabama Department of Corrections' policy of segregating HIV positive prisoners. Yeah, let one of them go to prison for, say, writing a bad check, then get ass-raped and come out of the pen with AIDS. Let's see how they feel about it then...Lest we be deluded into thinking the Donkeys have cornered the market on wasting our tax dollars, Taxpayers for Common Sense statistics place seven Elephants amongst the top 15 securers of earmarks paid to private companies...And finally, we leave you with this:
How bad does it suck to be Mayor Barbara Brock, of Tracy City, Tennessee, outside of the obvious fact that she lives in Tracy City, Tennessee? Well, she just lost her reelection bid to Carl Geary, by a vote of 268-85. Geary died three weeks before the election. To paraphrase the late, great Al Johnson, "It just ain't your damned day if you win an election and don't get to keep the job just because you're dead."
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
01 April 2010
Focused on Roy Halladay
Ok, so we had been working on rolling out the first installment of our Focused on the Metroplex series, which will debut soon, as well as what was supposed to be the second installment of Focused on the Family, which we had to scratch and rewrite, for reasons evident in the eventual posting. With all that has been going on, we've let the writing fall by the wayside and, as a aresult, most of what we never got to publish ended up being outdated. How outdated? Here was the original opening to this post:
Item:
Item:
The acadamy of motion pictures has nominated a record ten movies for Best Picture this year. In related news, the Acadamy of Motion Pictures has renamed the Best Picture Award the This Movie Sucked the Least this Year award.
See what we mean?
So, we'll go through what we have and try to cobble together something readable. And no, we did not spell check, so it willprobably be bad. Very bad.
We're off!
Adn we apologize for the limited hyperlinks in advance. We know it makes us more readable.
Item:
So, we'll go through what we have and try to cobble together something readable. And no, we did not spell check, so it willprobably be bad. Very bad.
We're off!
Adn we apologize for the limited hyperlinks in advance. We know it makes us more readable.
Item:
Big props to Robert Gates for being the first sitting Defense Secretary to say that the time for Don't Ask Don't Tell has come and gone. The journey that started in 1946 with President Truman integrating the military, and was continued by President Clinton 17 years ago, has reached its rightful conclusion today, as the final step toward equality for all in the military appears just over yon horizon. This is a day that all Americans should be proud.
Again, dated material, we know.
~~~
Item:Here's some food for thought.
People in this country, by and large, have no problem with compulsory automobile insurance. People pretty much agree that in order to operate a motor vehicle, one must purchase insurance, so as not to cause someone else expense if they should have a mishap. If someone cannot afford insurance, the general line of thought is that they should not drive. If they do, and get caught, they should get a ticket and have to pay a fine.
This line of thought makes sense. That's why most people agree with it.
However, when it comes to medical insurance, people are aghast at the idea of making it compulsory. And the notion of fining non-compliers is castigated as cruel. There is no dispute that the uninsured are a financial drain on everyone else, much in the same way as uninsured motorists. It is equally free of dispute that, if given the choice, some people will forgo insurance. Now, there is no way you'd ever get legislation passed that says if you are uninsured, you chose to be so and can die in the street. So why is it not acceptable to make people carry coverage on themselves and their children? (of course we speak of those who can provide for themselves, not those who legitimately cannot fend for themselves)
In the end, by compelling auto and not medical insurance, aren't we as a society saying that our cars, and all the things we can lose if sued after operating one recklessly (house, money, etc), are more important to us than our bodies?
~~~
Fare thee well, Cory, Merlin, and Andrew, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a Silver Bullet, some flowers and (you know it's coming) a boner.
It had to be done.
~~~
Item:
Click Here.
To paraphrase the late, great Al Johnson -- it just ain't your day when you can't take a jog on the beach without getting hit by a damned plane.
~~~
Quote of the Week:
“There was a time I felt the mistake I made was the end of the world for me,"
--Donte Stallworth, WR, Ravens, on running over and killing a guy with his car, at 8am, while drunk.
Yeah, Donte -- we're gald it all worked out for you.
~~~
Internet Video of the Week:
Epic Beard Man. Or, "why we don't mess with old men on the bus".
~~~
Ridiculous Story That Actually Appeared in a Publication of the Week AND Idiot Criminal of the Week:
Megan Barnes of Florida. Here's why.
Vintage Album Review of the Week:
The Bird and The Bee
Interpreting the Masters, Volume 1(A Tribute to Daryl Hall and John Oates)
2010
Heard it on the Radio - (3:03)*
I Can't Go for That - (3:36)
Rich Girl - (2:48)
Sara Smile - (3:06)
Kiss on My List - (4:19)
Maneater - (3:31)
She's Gone - (3:03)
Private Eyes - (3:03)
One on One - (3:40)
* - singles
We decided to go off the board this week and give a review of a brand-new album, released this past Tuesday. Tribute albums are a hit and miss proposal. If botched, they sound even worse than a normal album, compared to the original material. If done too closely to the original, what is the point? This album finds a nice place right in the middle. Groundbreaking? No. Fresh? Absolutely.
It's a good tribute album indeed when it takes at least four of five seconds into each track to figure out what song it is. That speaks to excellent production and arranging by Greg Jurstin (the Bee). As to the songs themselves, Inara George (the Bird) sings them well, if not uniquely. Ourside of updated instrumentation (out with the Philly blue-eyed soul, in with the SoCal retro), they stick pretty close to the original material, which for the most part is a good thing. At times though, they stick a bit too close. One of the great things about Hall & Oates was listening for Daryl Hall's end-of-song scatting. Kind of a white-boy's 80's version of flowing. On the originals it sounds spontaneous; on a remake, not so much. (Think "oooh butitswild oooh-ooo-ooo-ooooooh").
That minor flaw aside, this is a solid album that starts off with an original song, entitled Heard it on the Radio. Both in sound and spirit, it sets the table for th retrospective set, even throwing in a lyrical nod to the H2O with , "when we first kissed it made my list". A clever, entertaining intro to a very entertaining album.
The iTunes version throws in another original song at the end, 4th of July, which also has a retro feel to it, but probably from a decade or so earlier than the focus of this collection. It sounds an awfull lot like the Carole King/Carpenters vibe Billy Joel and Phil Ramone were going for on Leave a Tender Moment Alone, except B&B nail it. A nice song that ends the album all warm and fuzzy, but still probably best left off the general release, as it just doesn;t complement the rest of the work very well.
The bottom line: if you like the Bird and the Bee, you will love this ablbum. If you love the H2O, you'll like the album.
Music: 4 (of 5)
Lyrics: 4 (of 5) (extra credit for one of our favorite lines of all time, "I need a drink and a quick decitsion")
Authorship: 4 (of 4) (remake exception)
Production: 3 (of 3)
Packaging: 2 (of 2) (digital booklet)
First Blush: 2 (of 2)
Aging: 3 (of 3) (great update on already great material)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 23
Stars: 4.6 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots:
Baseball season is upon us and it's time for predictions.
American League
Eastern Division Champion -- Boston Red Sox
Central Division Champion -- Minnesota Twins* (edging the ChiSox)
Western Division Champion -- Texas Rangers
Wild Card -- New York Yankees (edging the Angels, Rays, ChiSox and Tribe)
ALDS
Red Sox over Rangers
Twins over Yankees
ALCS
Red Sox over Twins
National League
Eastern Division Champion -- Philadelphia Phillies
Central Division Champion -- St. Louis Cardnials
Western Division Champion -- Los Angeles Dodgers
Wild Card -- Colorado Rockies (edging the Braves)
ALDS
Phillies over Rockies
Dodgers over Cardinals
ALCS
Phillies over Dodgers
And your 2010 World Series Champions?
The Boston Red Sox, in six, over the Phillies. (We just can't help but feel letting Cliff Lee go was a mistake. One can never have too much pitching, and the Phightin's will pay the price come October (Nov).
*We are picking the Twins to win their division, despite our immense displeasure at their scrapping the best road uniforms in professional sports, for something way too similar to the Nationals' look. The new ballpark and these badass alternate home duds saved their ass. This time. (yes, that's off-white)
And with that, we bid you adieu.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
14 March 2010
Focused on the Family, Vol. 2
Hey, you...
You're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But you slipped away from us in the night. We'll never know if you were a Truman Hughes or an Emily Grace. Whether you were to be a doctor or writer, a degenerate gambler or petty thief. It wouldn't have mattered. You would have been loved.
When I first learned of you, I'll admit I was freaked out. "I'm too old for this", "This isn't part of my plan", "But we just broke up!". I had all the reasons in the world to not want you to happen. But then I thought of Chelsea, your sister. And I thought of all the ways my life have been enriched by her presence. The good, the bad -- none of that matters, for love is not a ledger. It just is.
So trepidation and dread slowly turned to anticipation and hope. A new baby. A chance to get it right. An unexpected gift. BabyBates, or BB.
Maybe God couldn't stand to be apart from your soul for more than a few months. Maybe you're better-placed looking over us than being in our care. I don't begin to know those answers. I just know that I am sad. And I really wish I could have met you. Because even though you never made it out into this physical world, I believe life begins at the moment of conception and you were -- are -- as real as this keyboard I type on.
You are my child. And I love you.
Fare thee well, BB. I will see you on the other side. Save me a kiss, a hug, a lifetime.
--Daddy
29 January 2010
Focused on the NBA: The Association at the Turn
We're off!
Item:
Before we delve into our midseason review of the NBA, we'd like to offer our sincerest condolences to the Campisi family on the loss of Gina, who took her own life last week, at the age of 26. We knew and liked Gina and have a warm regard for the entire family. We don't know exactly what happens in the life after this one, but we pray that the God we pray to finds a place in His heart for her soul and keeps her close to Him.
~~~
On to the NBA:
At midseason things are, well, interesting. The Wizards have been gutted due to gunplay, The Usual Suspects are in fine form and the Nyets may just be the worst team in the history of the league. The All-Star Game was played in our current hometown and with the economy still shaky, the trading deadline was crazybusy.
So, how did we do in our preseason predictions?
First Coach to be Fired
Who we picked: Scott Brooks, OKC
Who it was: Byron Scott, New Orleans Hornets
Comment: OKC is vying for home court and the Bugs have imploded.
Breakout Season Coming From
Who we picked: Greg Oden, Portland Trail Blazers
Status: IR, out for season.
Comment: Two years, two injuries. Is Oden secretly a Clipper.
We Give Up On
Who we picked: Rafer Alston, NJNets
Status: Even the pathetic Nyets gave up on Skip to my Lou; he's now riding the pine on South Beach
Comment: 8.3pts/2.5reb/3.5ast in 49 games with NJN/MIA. Yawn.
We Still Say He's a Star in the Making
Who we picked: Andrea Bargnani, Toronto Raptors
Status: 17.5/6.3/1.1 in 51 games, with a +/- of 17.2
Comment: We'd like to see more boards, but he's developing nicely.
Best Off Season, Team
Who we picked: Orlando Magic
Status: 37-18, 2nd in the Eastern Conference
Comment: Gortat and Bass both sit, Carter is a shadow of Air Canada and they did nothing at the deadline.
Worst Off Season, Team
Who we picked: Minnesota Timberwolves
Status: 13-42, Last in the Western Conference
Comment: Thank God for New Jersey (5-49)
All-Jobless Team Update
PG: Stephon Marbury - Still unemployed. Still insane.
SG: Jerry Stackhouse - signed with Milwaukee Bucks; 6.5/2.4/2.1 in 20.0 minutes per game (13)
SF: Bruce Bowen - Retired
PF: Malik Rose - Studio Analyst, New York Knicks
C: Lorenzen Wright - Unemployed
6th Man: Darius Miles - Unemployed
Coach: Avery Johnson - Studio Analyst, espn
Rookie of the Year
Who we picked: Blake Griffin, LAClippers
Status: IR, out for the season
Comment: Danny Manning, redux?
Playoff Predictions, East
Orlando, Cleveland, Boston, Atlanta, Chicago, Toronto, Miami, Washington
Standings as of the Break: CLE, ORL, BOS, ATL, TOR, CHI, MIA, CHA
Comment: We missed on WAS, but with Flip as their coach and this being LB's second year in CHA, it makes sense.
Playoff Predictions, West
LALakers, Denver, Dallas, Portland, San Antonio, New Orleans, Utah, LAClippers
Standings as of the Break: LAL, DEN, UTA, DAL, S.A., OKC, PHO, POR
Comment: OKC and UTA have surprised, LAC, N.O. have disappointed. Suns will fade.
DEADLINE DEAL GRADES:
As we alluded to, there were an incredible amount of trades made leading up to this year's deadline. How we think everyone came out of it:
Boston -- Picked up Nate Robinson, gave nothing of value up. (B)
Charlotte -- Acquired Tyrus Thomas for a pick. (B)
Chicago -- Dealt John Salmons for a couple of scrubs, in the name of cap space. We generally dislike these kinds of deals, because there is no guarantee anyone will even want the money, as Chicago should know more than anyone. Meantime, they probably just knocked themselves out of the playoffs this season. (D)
Cleveland -- Traded Zydrunas Ilgauskus for Antawn Jamison. Wiz likely to buy Z out and he will return to Cleveland in 30 days. We liked the Stoudamire deal better, but they still improved. (A-)
Dallas -- Aquired Caron Butler and Brendan Heywood for Josh Howard, Drew Gooden. Mavs improved their team, improved their locker room. With subsequent Gooden deal to LAC, it looks like he will not be returning. That hurts. Pulling off a last-minute Dampier for Ilgausjus followup trade would have been perfect. (B)
Houston -- Purged themselves of Sleepy McGrady, picked up Kevin Martin and raped the cap-obsessed Knicks. (A-)
LAC -- Gave up Al Thornton and Marcus Camby for Drew Gooden and cap space. LeBron is not coming, guys. (D)
Memphis -- Acquired Ronnie Brewer for a protected pick. This franchise is putting it together, slowly but surely. (B)
Milwaukee -- Traded garbage, got John Salmons. (yawn) (C)
Minnesota -- Traded for Darko Milicic. Why? (D)
NYK -- If LeBron does not sign with them, they are fucked. With only $9M committed next year in salaries, they are in position to sign LBJ and his Robin of choice. If that happens, this is an A+. If, as we expect, it does not, they will basically be an expansion team, F-. The team was going nowhere this season before the deal and they are going nowhere this season after, so for now, (C).
Philadelphia -- Minor deals that will really have no effect. Should have pulled the trigger on Stoudamire for Iguodala/Dalembert. (C)
Portland -- Traded Steve Blake and Travis Outlaw, acquired Marcus Camby. With their bigs hurt, and Camby a free-agent to be, this was the right deal at the right time. (B+)
Sacramento -- Dealt Kevin Martin for Carl Landry, cap relief. Martin and Tyreke Evans could not mesh, Martin was traded high. Landry is a good fit for SacTo. (C+)
San Antonio -- Minor move for cap room. Why? The needed to make a splash, failed. (D)
Utah -- Dealt Ronnie Brewer for a pick, cap relief. Held on to Carlos Boozer, who screwed over a blind guy. They will regret both. (D-)
Washington -- Traded away three starters (Butler, Heywood and Jamison) and got Josh Howard and Al Thornton. They are clearly rebuilding and as purges go, this was great. But they got neither the picks nor prospects that they should have. (D).
And finally, last time we introduced our Rules for Winning a Championship and detailed each NFL's claims to a title. This week, the NBA. A refresher:
Rule 1: No team should be allowed to make the playoffs in their first ten years of existence and no championships for the first 25.
Rule 2: No team that deserts a loyal fan base should ever be allowed to win a championship. There are exceptions to this rule, whereby a vagabond team is eligible for a title.
--Exception 1: If the team left because of poor attendance and/or support.
--Exception 2: The wronged city has won a championship since the team fled and before the fleeing team has. (Scorned city must always have one more title than new one)
--Exception 3: Everybody's dead. If it has been more than 50 years since the team moved.
--Exception 4: Any city that has stolen another city's team has no claim on desertion should they lose their team.
Rule 3: Any team that has bad fans, as determined by the Committee (of one) -- no championship for you.
Rule 4: The Baltimore Rule: Baltimore stole the Browns. They can never have a title. In anything. Ever.
Rule 5: Any team that does not play where their name indicates is ineligible to win a title.
Rule 6: The Dome Rule: If you play in a room, on a rug, you cannot win a championship.
Rule 7: Any team that plays on a rug and not grass, is ineligible to win a title.
Clearly, rules 6 and 7 do not apply to the Association. That being the case:
Group A, teams that are out:
Charlotte Bobcats -- <25 years old (ineligible until 2029)
Detroit Pistons -- Shame Rule (ineligible until they move to Detroit or rename to Auburn Hills)
Los Angeles Clippers -- Abandoned Buffalo, then San Diego. (ineligible until Donald Sterling sells or dies)
Memphis Grizzlies -- <25 years, abandoned Vancouver (ineligible until 2051 or when Vancouver wins a title, whichever comes first, after they fulfill the 25-year existence requirement, in 2020).
Miami Heat -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, ineligible for title until 2013 + 10-year penalty for winning one early [2006], so 2023).
Minnesota Timberwolves -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, ineligible for title until 2014)
New Orleans Hornets -- <25 years old, abandoned Charlotte (ineligible until 2052 or when Charlotte wins a title, after fulfilling their 25-year requirement, in 2013).
Oklahoma City Thunder -- Abandoned Seattle (ineligible until 2058 or when Seattle wins a title, whichever comes first).
Orlando Magic -- <25 years (eligible for playoffs; ineligible for title until 2014)
Toronto Raptors -- <25 years (eligible for playoffs; ineligible for title until 2020)
Group B, teams with issues, and our determination:
Atlanta Hawks
Violation: Abandoned Buffalo, Davenport, Iowa (Quad-Cities), Milwaukee and St. Louis.
Mitigation: They were only six years old by the time they left Milwaukee and have been gone from StL for 42 years. Their fans suck though and we can't overlook the wretchedness of the ATL sports nation.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2018
Dallas Mavericks
Violation: Bad fans. Front-runners, the lot of them.
Mitigation: The Mavs were, statistically, the worst team in all of professional sports for the 1990's.
Ruling: As they have had 10+ years of consecutive sellouts, Eligible.
Golden State Warriors
Violation: Abandoned Philadelphia and San Francisco
Mitigation: They left Philly 48 years ago and only crossed the bridge when they left SF.
Ruling: Since Philadelphia has since won a title, eligible.
*ya gotta admit, that Wilt cover has a whole new meaning now.
Houston Rockets
Violation: Abandoned San Diego
Mitigation: They have made a good dent in the 50-year requirement (39), and drew poorly in Sand Diego.
Ruling: Eligible (although we considered a penalty for these).
Los Angeles Lakers
Violation: Abandoned Minneapolis
Mitigation: This is their 50th year in Los Angeles. And seriously, can you picture LA without them? Neither can we.
Ruling: Eligible
New Jersey Nets
Violation: Abandoned New York
Mitigation: Part of move from ABA to NBA and they get bonus credit for changing their name.
Ruling: Eligible
Philadelphia 76ers
Violation: Abandoned Syracuse
Mitigation: Just three years short of the 50-year requirement and moved for financial reasons, while righting the wrong of the Warriors' abandoning of the city three years prior.
Ruling: Eligible
Sacramento Kings
Violation: Abandoned Rochester, Cincinnati, Kansas City and Omaha.
Mitigation: Poor fan support in all their previous markets, great support in SacTo.
Ruling: Eligible
San Antonio Spurs
Violation: Abandoned Dallas
Mitigation: Sure they were in the ABA at the time and sure drew poorly in Dallas. We still hate them.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2023 = 5 year penalty for each of their 4 titles, so 2043.
Utah Jazz
Violation: Abandoned New Orleans, and not because of Katrina
Mitigation: None. They moved to a smaller market and attendance actually fell.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2029
Washington Wizards
Violation: Abandoned Chicago and Baltimore
Mitigation: They were only in Chicago for two years and left 47 years ago. As a result of the Baltimore Rule, we love anyone who abandons that hellhole. Bonus points for the last non-marketing-driven reimaging in pro sports (Bullets to Wizards)
Ruling: Eligible
Group C, teams with no encumbrances to a title (other than, perhaps, talent):
Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Denver, Indiana, Milwaukee, New York, Phoenix, Portland.
So, with under three months left in the NBA season, the teams that are eligible to win are:
Boston Celtics
Chicago Bulls
Cleveland Cavaliers
Dallas Mavericks
Denver Nuggets
Golden State Warriors
Houston Rockets
Indiana Pacers
LA Lakers
Milwaukee Bucks
New Jersey Nets
New York Knicks
Philadelphia 76ers
Phoenix Suns
Portland Trail Blazers
Sacramento Kings
Washington Wizards
Gun to our head, we say Cavs over Lakers in 6.
Enjoy the rest of the season.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
Item:
Before we delve into our midseason review of the NBA, we'd like to offer our sincerest condolences to the Campisi family on the loss of Gina, who took her own life last week, at the age of 26. We knew and liked Gina and have a warm regard for the entire family. We don't know exactly what happens in the life after this one, but we pray that the God we pray to finds a place in His heart for her soul and keeps her close to Him.
~~~
On to the NBA:
At midseason things are, well, interesting. The Wizards have been gutted due to gunplay, The Usual Suspects are in fine form and the Nyets may just be the worst team in the history of the league. The All-Star Game was played in our current hometown and with the economy still shaky, the trading deadline was crazybusy.
So, how did we do in our preseason predictions?
First Coach to be Fired
Who we picked: Scott Brooks, OKC
Who it was: Byron Scott, New Orleans Hornets
Comment: OKC is vying for home court and the Bugs have imploded.
Breakout Season Coming From
Who we picked: Greg Oden, Portland Trail Blazers
Status: IR, out for season.
Comment: Two years, two injuries. Is Oden secretly a Clipper.
We Give Up On
Who we picked: Rafer Alston, NJNets
Status: Even the pathetic Nyets gave up on Skip to my Lou; he's now riding the pine on South Beach
Comment: 8.3pts/2.5reb/3.5ast in 49 games with NJN/MIA. Yawn.
We Still Say He's a Star in the Making
Who we picked: Andrea Bargnani, Toronto Raptors
Status: 17.5/6.3/1.1 in 51 games, with a +/- of 17.2
Comment: We'd like to see more boards, but he's developing nicely.
Best Off Season, Team
Who we picked: Orlando Magic
Status: 37-18, 2nd in the Eastern Conference
Comment: Gortat and Bass both sit, Carter is a shadow of Air Canada and they did nothing at the deadline.
Worst Off Season, Team
Who we picked: Minnesota Timberwolves
Status: 13-42, Last in the Western Conference
Comment: Thank God for New Jersey (5-49)
All-Jobless Team Update
PG: Stephon Marbury - Still unemployed. Still insane.
SG: Jerry Stackhouse - signed with Milwaukee Bucks; 6.5/2.4/2.1 in 20.0 minutes per game (13)
SF: Bruce Bowen - Retired
PF: Malik Rose - Studio Analyst, New York Knicks
C: Lorenzen Wright - Unemployed
6th Man: Darius Miles - Unemployed
Coach: Avery Johnson - Studio Analyst, espn
Rookie of the Year
Who we picked: Blake Griffin, LAClippers
Status: IR, out for the season
Comment: Danny Manning, redux?
Playoff Predictions, East
Orlando, Cleveland, Boston, Atlanta, Chicago, Toronto, Miami, Washington
Standings as of the Break: CLE, ORL, BOS, ATL, TOR, CHI, MIA, CHA
Comment: We missed on WAS, but with Flip as their coach and this being LB's second year in CHA, it makes sense.
Playoff Predictions, West
LALakers, Denver, Dallas, Portland, San Antonio, New Orleans, Utah, LAClippers
Standings as of the Break: LAL, DEN, UTA, DAL, S.A., OKC, PHO, POR
Comment: OKC and UTA have surprised, LAC, N.O. have disappointed. Suns will fade.
DEADLINE DEAL GRADES:
As we alluded to, there were an incredible amount of trades made leading up to this year's deadline. How we think everyone came out of it:
Boston -- Picked up Nate Robinson, gave nothing of value up. (B)
Charlotte -- Acquired Tyrus Thomas for a pick. (B)
Chicago -- Dealt John Salmons for a couple of scrubs, in the name of cap space. We generally dislike these kinds of deals, because there is no guarantee anyone will even want the money, as Chicago should know more than anyone. Meantime, they probably just knocked themselves out of the playoffs this season. (D)
Cleveland -- Traded Zydrunas Ilgauskus for Antawn Jamison. Wiz likely to buy Z out and he will return to Cleveland in 30 days. We liked the Stoudamire deal better, but they still improved. (A-)
Dallas -- Aquired Caron Butler and Brendan Heywood for Josh Howard, Drew Gooden. Mavs improved their team, improved their locker room. With subsequent Gooden deal to LAC, it looks like he will not be returning. That hurts. Pulling off a last-minute Dampier for Ilgausjus followup trade would have been perfect. (B)
Houston -- Purged themselves of Sleepy McGrady, picked up Kevin Martin and raped the cap-obsessed Knicks. (A-)
LAC -- Gave up Al Thornton and Marcus Camby for Drew Gooden and cap space. LeBron is not coming, guys. (D)
Memphis -- Acquired Ronnie Brewer for a protected pick. This franchise is putting it together, slowly but surely. (B)
Milwaukee -- Traded garbage, got John Salmons. (yawn) (C)
Minnesota -- Traded for Darko Milicic. Why? (D)
NYK -- If LeBron does not sign with them, they are fucked. With only $9M committed next year in salaries, they are in position to sign LBJ and his Robin of choice. If that happens, this is an A+. If, as we expect, it does not, they will basically be an expansion team, F-. The team was going nowhere this season before the deal and they are going nowhere this season after, so for now, (C).
Philadelphia -- Minor deals that will really have no effect. Should have pulled the trigger on Stoudamire for Iguodala/Dalembert. (C)
Portland -- Traded Steve Blake and Travis Outlaw, acquired Marcus Camby. With their bigs hurt, and Camby a free-agent to be, this was the right deal at the right time. (B+)
Sacramento -- Dealt Kevin Martin for Carl Landry, cap relief. Martin and Tyreke Evans could not mesh, Martin was traded high. Landry is a good fit for SacTo. (C+)
San Antonio -- Minor move for cap room. Why? The needed to make a splash, failed. (D)
Utah -- Dealt Ronnie Brewer for a pick, cap relief. Held on to Carlos Boozer, who screwed over a blind guy. They will regret both. (D-)
Washington -- Traded away three starters (Butler, Heywood and Jamison) and got Josh Howard and Al Thornton. They are clearly rebuilding and as purges go, this was great. But they got neither the picks nor prospects that they should have. (D).
And finally, last time we introduced our Rules for Winning a Championship and detailed each NFL's claims to a title. This week, the NBA. A refresher:
Rule 1: No team should be allowed to make the playoffs in their first ten years of existence and no championships for the first 25.
Rule 2: No team that deserts a loyal fan base should ever be allowed to win a championship. There are exceptions to this rule, whereby a vagabond team is eligible for a title.
--Exception 1: If the team left because of poor attendance and/or support.
--Exception 2: The wronged city has won a championship since the team fled and before the fleeing team has. (Scorned city must always have one more title than new one)
--Exception 3: Everybody's dead. If it has been more than 50 years since the team moved.
--Exception 4: Any city that has stolen another city's team has no claim on desertion should they lose their team.
Rule 3: Any team that has bad fans, as determined by the Committee (of one) -- no championship for you.
Rule 4: The Baltimore Rule: Baltimore stole the Browns. They can never have a title. In anything. Ever.
Rule 5: Any team that does not play where their name indicates is ineligible to win a title.
Rule 6: The Dome Rule: If you play in a room, on a rug, you cannot win a championship.
Rule 7: Any team that plays on a rug and not grass, is ineligible to win a title.
Clearly, rules 6 and 7 do not apply to the Association. That being the case:
Group A, teams that are out:
Charlotte Bobcats -- <25 years old (ineligible until 2029)
Detroit Pistons -- Shame Rule (ineligible until they move to Detroit or rename to Auburn Hills)
Los Angeles Clippers -- Abandoned Buffalo, then San Diego. (ineligible until Donald Sterling sells or dies)
Memphis Grizzlies -- <25 years, abandoned Vancouver (ineligible until 2051 or when Vancouver wins a title, whichever comes first, after they fulfill the 25-year existence requirement, in 2020).
Miami Heat -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, ineligible for title until 2013 + 10-year penalty for winning one early [2006], so 2023).
Minnesota Timberwolves -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, ineligible for title until 2014)
New Orleans Hornets -- <25 years old, abandoned Charlotte (ineligible until 2052 or when Charlotte wins a title, after fulfilling their 25-year requirement, in 2013).
Oklahoma City Thunder -- Abandoned Seattle (ineligible until 2058 or when Seattle wins a title, whichever comes first).
Orlando Magic -- <25 years (eligible for playoffs; ineligible for title until 2014)
Toronto Raptors -- <25 years (eligible for playoffs; ineligible for title until 2020)
Group B, teams with issues, and our determination:
Atlanta Hawks
Violation: Abandoned Buffalo, Davenport, Iowa (Quad-Cities), Milwaukee and St. Louis.
Mitigation: They were only six years old by the time they left Milwaukee and have been gone from StL for 42 years. Their fans suck though and we can't overlook the wretchedness of the ATL sports nation.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2018
Dallas Mavericks
Violation: Bad fans. Front-runners, the lot of them.
Mitigation: The Mavs were, statistically, the worst team in all of professional sports for the 1990's.
Ruling: As they have had 10+ years of consecutive sellouts, Eligible.
Golden State Warriors
Violation: Abandoned Philadelphia and San Francisco
Mitigation: They left Philly 48 years ago and only crossed the bridge when they left SF.
Ruling: Since Philadelphia has since won a title, eligible.
*ya gotta admit, that Wilt cover has a whole new meaning now.
Houston Rockets
Violation: Abandoned San Diego
Mitigation: They have made a good dent in the 50-year requirement (39), and drew poorly in Sand Diego.
Ruling: Eligible (although we considered a penalty for these).
Los Angeles Lakers
Violation: Abandoned Minneapolis
Mitigation: This is their 50th year in Los Angeles. And seriously, can you picture LA without them? Neither can we.
Ruling: Eligible
New Jersey Nets
Violation: Abandoned New York
Mitigation: Part of move from ABA to NBA and they get bonus credit for changing their name.
Ruling: Eligible
Philadelphia 76ers
Violation: Abandoned Syracuse
Mitigation: Just three years short of the 50-year requirement and moved for financial reasons, while righting the wrong of the Warriors' abandoning of the city three years prior.
Ruling: Eligible
Sacramento Kings
Violation: Abandoned Rochester, Cincinnati, Kansas City and Omaha.
Mitigation: Poor fan support in all their previous markets, great support in SacTo.
Ruling: Eligible
San Antonio Spurs
Violation: Abandoned Dallas
Mitigation: Sure they were in the ABA at the time and sure drew poorly in Dallas. We still hate them.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2023 = 5 year penalty for each of their 4 titles, so 2043.
Utah Jazz
Violation: Abandoned New Orleans, and not because of Katrina
Mitigation: None. They moved to a smaller market and attendance actually fell.
Ruling: Ineligible until 2029
Washington Wizards
Violation: Abandoned Chicago and Baltimore
Mitigation: They were only in Chicago for two years and left 47 years ago. As a result of the Baltimore Rule, we love anyone who abandons that hellhole. Bonus points for the last non-marketing-driven reimaging in pro sports (Bullets to Wizards)
Ruling: Eligible
Group C, teams with no encumbrances to a title (other than, perhaps, talent):
Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Denver, Indiana, Milwaukee, New York, Phoenix, Portland.
So, with under three months left in the NBA season, the teams that are eligible to win are:
Boston Celtics
Chicago Bulls
Cleveland Cavaliers
Dallas Mavericks
Denver Nuggets
Golden State Warriors
Houston Rockets
Indiana Pacers
LA Lakers
Milwaukee Bucks
New Jersey Nets
New York Knicks
Philadelphia 76ers
Phoenix Suns
Portland Trail Blazers
Sacramento Kings
Washington Wizards
Gun to our head, we say Cavs over Lakers in 6.
Enjoy the rest of the season.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
Focused on Shotz Brewery
We're off!
Item:
Our Super Bowl prediction:
Saints 27 - Colts 23.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
Heisman Award and NCAA championship-winning Tim Tebow is appearing in an ad during the Super Bowl, paid for by conservative Christian group Focus on the Family. The ad, which has not been made available for review, will have him and his mother in it and it is believed they will talk about his mother's complications while carrying him, her doctors' reccomendations that she terminate the pregnancy, her decision not to and the obvious end results.
Feminist groups have blasted the ad, with the director of the National Organization for Woman (NOW) saying, "it's a shame he chose this day to try to force his agenda down America's throat -- on a day that was created to bring people together, not drive them apart".
Really? We always thought the Super Bowl was created to figure out who would be champion of the National Football League.
Not speaking to the content of his message, we applaud Tebow for standing up for what he beleieves in, knowing that that same stance could cost him millions of dollars in the NFL draft. Our guess is the ad is not going to be all fire and brimstone and will probably not be nearly as offensive as the femi-nazis would have you think. Remember, they have not seen the ad yet, either.
Why are we as a society so afraid to hear a message we may disagree with? And why do we tell our atheletes and celebrities that they should be role models but then blast them whenever they do something courageous, or -- worse yet -- articulate? Why can't Miss California give an honest answer to a question about a political issue?
If we have devolved to a point where these types of actions are not acceptable, then don't be bitching the next time your son's favorite player knocks a woman up out of wedlock or a starlett goes to rehab for the twelfth time.
Can't have it both ways, folks.
~~~
Fare thee well, JD, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a healthy dose of teen angst.
~~~
Item:
So we were telling someone the other day just why the Colts should not be allowed to win the Super Bowl -- they screwed over Baltimore. She didn't get it. So we started explaining the "rules" to her. You know -- the rules for winning a championship. Not familiar with them? Well, well, we're here to help.
Rule 1: No team should be allowed to make the playoffs in their first ten years of existence and no championships for the first 25.
Rule 2: No team that deserts a loyal fan base should ever be allowed to win a championship. There are exceptions to this rule, whereby a vagabond team is eligible for a title.
--Exception 1: If the team left because of poor attendance and/or support.
--Exception 2: The wronged city has won a championship since the team fled and before
the fleeing team has. (Scorned city must always have one more title than new one)
--Exception 3: Everybody's dead. If it has been more than 50 years since the team moved.
--Exception 4: Any city that has stolen another city's team has no claim on desertion should they
lose their team.
Rule 3: Any team that has bad fans, as determined by the Committee (of one) -- no championship for you.
Rule 4: The Baltimore Rule: Baltimore stole the Browns. They can never have a title. In anything. Ever.
Rule 5: Any team that does not play where their name indicates is inelligible to win a title.
Rule 6: The Dome Rule: If you play in a room, on a rug, you cannot win a championship.
Rule 7: Any team that plays on a rug and not grass, is inelligible to win a title.
This week, lets look at the NFL and see what teams are allowed to win a Super Bowl.
Group A, teams that are out:
Atlanta Falcons -- Bad fan base, games blacked out when they are not playing well. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Baltimore Ravens -- The Baltimore Rule (inelligible in perpetuity)
Carolina Panthers -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, but not Super Bowl)
Cincinnati Bengals -- Bad fan base (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Dallas Cowboys -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to Dallas or rename the team Arlington)
Denver Broncos -- Rug Rule
Detroit Lions: Dome Rule (inelligible until they grow testicles and play outdoors)
Houston Texans -- <25 years old (inelligible for playoffs or Super Bowl)
Indianapolis Colts -- An interesting quirk here. The Colts were relieved of their obligation of pennance when the Ravens won a Super Bowl and were free to win their own, and did, a few years ago. Problem is, they cannot surpass Baltimore in number of post-desertion titles, and Baltimore is forbiden to ever win another one, by nature of the Baltimore Rule. Sorry Indy. (ineligible in perpetuity, unless the Ravens move from Baltimore).
Jacksonville Jaguars: <25 years old, and a bad fan base. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Minnesota Vikings -- Dome Rule (inelligible until they move outdoors)
New England Patriots -- Rug Rule
New York Giants -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to New York or rename team New Jersey)
New York Jets -- See Giants, New York
Seattle Seahawks -- Rug Rule
Group B, teams with issues, and our determination:
Arizona Cardinals.
Violation: They abandonned two cities.
Mitigation: Everyone in Chicago who was there with the Cardinals is dead or senile; both StL and Chicago have won a Super Bowl since the Cardinals' departure.
Ruling: Eligible
Kansas City Chiefs
Violation: They abandoned Dallas, then won a Super Bowl before the Cowboys.
Mitigation: It was part of the AFL/NFL merger and Dallas was too small for two teams; Dallas went on to win four Super Bowls.
Ruling: Eligible
Oakland Raiders
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles.
Mitigation: They did so to return to the city they abandonned for LA.
Ruling: 15 years' inelligibility, expires in 2011.
St. Loius Rams
Violation: They abandoned Cleveland
Mitigation: Everyone who was there then, is dead now
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: No one cared.
Violation: They play in a dome.
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until they play outdoors
Tennessee Titans
Violation: They abandoned Houston
Mitigation: It's Houston, you'd leave too. And the fans did not support them. Still...
Ruling: 20 years' ineligibility
Buffalo Bills
Violation: OJ
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until OJ dies (or finds the "real killer")
San Diego Chargers
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: They were in the AFL at the time, no one cared and it's like a 90 minute drive if anyone did.
Ruling: Eligible
Group C, Tems with no encumberances to a title (other than, perhaps, talent)
Bears, Browns, Packers, Dolphins, Saints*, Eagles, Steelers, 49ers, Buccaneers, Redskins.
*The Saints have been given a 25-year exception to the Dome and Rug rules, in consideration of the ongoing recovery from Hurricane Katrina. If they are not playing outside, on grass, in 2030, they become inelligible.
So, of the remaining teams this season, the Saints are the only one allowed to win the Super Bowl. Next year's eligible teams will be the:
Arizona Cardinals
Chicago Bears
Cleveland Browns
Green Bay Packers
Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins
New Orleans Saints
Philadelphia Eagles
Pittsburgh Steelers
San Diego Chargers
San Francisco 49'ers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Washington Redskins
~~~
Quote of the Week:
““The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”
--Theodore Roosevelt
~~
Idiot of the Week:
Paul Shirley, former NBA baller, recently-former espn.com contributor, who bashed relief efforts for Haiti, in a piece he wrote for The Mothership.
Among his gems:
"Very few have said, written, or even intimated the slightest admonishment of Haiti, the country, for putting itself into a position where so many would be killed by an earthquake."
Yeah, because no one would be killed if a major earthquake hit Los Angeles, where you live, jackass.
"Shouldn’t much of the responsibility for the disaster lie with the victims of that disaster?"
Actually, no. In this case, we don't think it was the five year-old girl's fault a fucking earthquake happened.
Just in case he was not condescending and offensive enough, he went on to write this open letter to the Haitian people:
Dear Haitians –
First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.
As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?
Sincerely,
The Rest of the World
This is offensive on so many levels. Not to mention it demonstrates an absolute lack of comprehention of the concepts of geopolitical economics and systemic poverty.
Look, you don't want to donate, Paul -- no worries. That is your right. But pick up a fucking book before castigating a people you have no understanding of. And then drop to your knees and thank God you grew up in in the United States and never had to endure anything like what those people are dealing with.
Despite your pseudointellectual bullshit, if you were born a poor kid in Haiti, we can pretty much guarantee you'd be a poor man in Haiti right now. If you were fortunate enough to not burried under 16 tons of concrete.
~~~~
Vintage Album Review of the Week:
Rod Stewart
Camouflage
1984
Infatuation - (5:15)*
All Right Now - (4:42)*
Some Guys Have All the Luck - (4:34)*
Can We Still Be Friends -(3:51)
Bad for You - (5:19)
Heart is on the Line - (4:04)
Camouflage - (5:21)
Trouble - (4:42)
* - singles
By 1984, Rod Stewart, who had started off trying to be a serious songwriter, had forgone all pretense of art and rock 'n roll and had completely sold out to the gods of pop. With Camouflage, he delivered a half-hearted, short (8-song) set that is polished, but unremarkable. The only writing he did for it was the lead sinlge, "Infatuation", which he shares a writing credit with two other guys for. It sounds an awful lot like "Passion" from a few albums prior, so it's not hard to deduce where his "writing" credit came from. Jeff Beck puts in a decent performance on guitar, but uber-producer Michael Omartian's ham-fisted layering of synthazation pretty much kills most of even that. Some Guys Have All the Luck is a touchstone pop performance and Rod turns is a pretty good remake of Tod Rungren's "Can We Still Be Friends". Still, this is a bad album. The singles can be procured on a Greatest Hits complilation and nothing -- nothing -- else on this LP is worth paying for. Even the packaging was bad - a rough, non-glossy cover, no liner notes at all and really cheesy-looking labels on thin vynil.
Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 1 (of 4)
Production: 1 (of 3)
Packaging: 0 (of 2)
First Blush: 1 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 9
Stars: 1.8 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots:
Congtratulations to Kurt Warner for getting while the gettin's good. Enjoy playing with -- and recognizing -- the grandkids you will one day have...
And with that, we bid you adieu.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
Item:
Our Super Bowl prediction:
Saints 27 - Colts 23.
~~~
Item:
Here's some food for thought.
Heisman Award and NCAA championship-winning Tim Tebow is appearing in an ad during the Super Bowl, paid for by conservative Christian group Focus on the Family. The ad, which has not been made available for review, will have him and his mother in it and it is believed they will talk about his mother's complications while carrying him, her doctors' reccomendations that she terminate the pregnancy, her decision not to and the obvious end results.
Feminist groups have blasted the ad, with the director of the National Organization for Woman (NOW) saying, "it's a shame he chose this day to try to force his agenda down America's throat -- on a day that was created to bring people together, not drive them apart".
Really? We always thought the Super Bowl was created to figure out who would be champion of the National Football League.
Not speaking to the content of his message, we applaud Tebow for standing up for what he beleieves in, knowing that that same stance could cost him millions of dollars in the NFL draft. Our guess is the ad is not going to be all fire and brimstone and will probably not be nearly as offensive as the femi-nazis would have you think. Remember, they have not seen the ad yet, either.
Why are we as a society so afraid to hear a message we may disagree with? And why do we tell our atheletes and celebrities that they should be role models but then blast them whenever they do something courageous, or -- worse yet -- articulate? Why can't Miss California give an honest answer to a question about a political issue?
If we have devolved to a point where these types of actions are not acceptable, then don't be bitching the next time your son's favorite player knocks a woman up out of wedlock or a starlett goes to rehab for the twelfth time.
Can't have it both ways, folks.
~~~
Fare thee well, JD, we'll see you on the Other Side. Save us a healthy dose of teen angst.
~~~
Item:
So we were telling someone the other day just why the Colts should not be allowed to win the Super Bowl -- they screwed over Baltimore. She didn't get it. So we started explaining the "rules" to her. You know -- the rules for winning a championship. Not familiar with them? Well, well, we're here to help.
Rule 1: No team should be allowed to make the playoffs in their first ten years of existence and no championships for the first 25.
Rule 2: No team that deserts a loyal fan base should ever be allowed to win a championship. There are exceptions to this rule, whereby a vagabond team is eligible for a title.
--Exception 1: If the team left because of poor attendance and/or support.
--Exception 2: The wronged city has won a championship since the team fled and before
the fleeing team has. (Scorned city must always have one more title than new one)
--Exception 3: Everybody's dead. If it has been more than 50 years since the team moved.
--Exception 4: Any city that has stolen another city's team has no claim on desertion should they
lose their team.
Rule 3: Any team that has bad fans, as determined by the Committee (of one) -- no championship for you.
Rule 4: The Baltimore Rule: Baltimore stole the Browns. They can never have a title. In anything. Ever.
Rule 5: Any team that does not play where their name indicates is inelligible to win a title.
Rule 6: The Dome Rule: If you play in a room, on a rug, you cannot win a championship.
Rule 7: Any team that plays on a rug and not grass, is inelligible to win a title.
This week, lets look at the NFL and see what teams are allowed to win a Super Bowl.
Group A, teams that are out:
Atlanta Falcons -- Bad fan base, games blacked out when they are not playing well. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Baltimore Ravens -- The Baltimore Rule (inelligible in perpetuity)
Carolina Panthers -- <25 years old (eligible for playoffs, but not Super Bowl)
Cincinnati Bengals -- Bad fan base (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Dallas Cowboys -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to Dallas or rename the team Arlington)
Denver Broncos -- Rug Rule
Detroit Lions: Dome Rule (inelligible until they grow testicles and play outdoors)
Houston Texans -- <25 years old (inelligible for playoffs or Super Bowl)
Indianapolis Colts -- An interesting quirk here. The Colts were relieved of their obligation of pennance when the Ravens won a Super Bowl and were free to win their own, and did, a few years ago. Problem is, they cannot surpass Baltimore in number of post-desertion titles, and Baltimore is forbiden to ever win another one, by nature of the Baltimore Rule. Sorry Indy. (ineligible in perpetuity, unless the Ravens move from Baltimore).
Jacksonville Jaguars: <25 years old, and a bad fan base. (inelligible until 10 consecutive years of sellouts)
Minnesota Vikings -- Dome Rule (inelligible until they move outdoors)
New England Patriots -- Rug Rule
New York Giants -- Shame Rule (inelligible until they move to New York or rename team New Jersey)
New York Jets -- See Giants, New York
Seattle Seahawks -- Rug Rule
Group B, teams with issues, and our determination:
Arizona Cardinals.
Violation: They abandonned two cities.
Mitigation: Everyone in Chicago who was there with the Cardinals is dead or senile; both StL and Chicago have won a Super Bowl since the Cardinals' departure.
Ruling: Eligible
Kansas City Chiefs
Violation: They abandoned Dallas, then won a Super Bowl before the Cowboys.
Mitigation: It was part of the AFL/NFL merger and Dallas was too small for two teams; Dallas went on to win four Super Bowls.
Ruling: Eligible
Oakland Raiders
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles.
Mitigation: They did so to return to the city they abandonned for LA.
Ruling: 15 years' inelligibility, expires in 2011.
St. Loius Rams
Violation: They abandoned Cleveland
Mitigation: Everyone who was there then, is dead now
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: No one cared.
Violation: They play in a dome.
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until they play outdoors
Tennessee Titans
Violation: They abandoned Houston
Mitigation: It's Houston, you'd leave too. And the fans did not support them. Still...
Ruling: 20 years' ineligibility
Buffalo Bills
Violation: OJ
Mitigation: None
Ruling: Inelligible until OJ dies (or finds the "real killer")
San Diego Chargers
Violation: They abandoned Los Angeles
Mitigation: They were in the AFL at the time, no one cared and it's like a 90 minute drive if anyone did.
Ruling: Eligible
Group C, Tems with no encumberances to a title (other than, perhaps, talent)
Bears, Browns, Packers, Dolphins, Saints*, Eagles, Steelers, 49ers, Buccaneers, Redskins.
*The Saints have been given a 25-year exception to the Dome and Rug rules, in consideration of the ongoing recovery from Hurricane Katrina. If they are not playing outside, on grass, in 2030, they become inelligible.
So, of the remaining teams this season, the Saints are the only one allowed to win the Super Bowl. Next year's eligible teams will be the:
Arizona Cardinals
Chicago Bears
Cleveland Browns
Green Bay Packers
Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins
New Orleans Saints
Philadelphia Eagles
Pittsburgh Steelers
San Diego Chargers
San Francisco 49'ers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Washington Redskins
~~~
Quote of the Week:
““The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”
--Theodore Roosevelt
~~
Idiot of the Week:
Paul Shirley, former NBA baller, recently-former espn.com contributor, who bashed relief efforts for Haiti, in a piece he wrote for The Mothership.
Among his gems:
"Very few have said, written, or even intimated the slightest admonishment of Haiti, the country, for putting itself into a position where so many would be killed by an earthquake."
Yeah, because no one would be killed if a major earthquake hit Los Angeles, where you live, jackass.
"Shouldn’t much of the responsibility for the disaster lie with the victims of that disaster?"
Actually, no. In this case, we don't think it was the five year-old girl's fault a fucking earthquake happened.
Just in case he was not condescending and offensive enough, he went on to write this open letter to the Haitian people:
Dear Haitians –
First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.
As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?
Sincerely,
The Rest of the World
This is offensive on so many levels. Not to mention it demonstrates an absolute lack of comprehention of the concepts of geopolitical economics and systemic poverty.
Look, you don't want to donate, Paul -- no worries. That is your right. But pick up a fucking book before castigating a people you have no understanding of. And then drop to your knees and thank God you grew up in in the United States and never had to endure anything like what those people are dealing with.
Despite your pseudointellectual bullshit, if you were born a poor kid in Haiti, we can pretty much guarantee you'd be a poor man in Haiti right now. If you were fortunate enough to not burried under 16 tons of concrete.
~~~~

Camouflage
1984
Infatuation - (5:15)*
All Right Now - (4:42)*
Some Guys Have All the Luck - (4:34)*
Can We Still Be Friends -(3:51)
Bad for You - (5:19)
Heart is on the Line - (4:04)
Camouflage - (5:21)
Trouble - (4:42)
* - singles
By 1984, Rod Stewart, who had started off trying to be a serious songwriter, had forgone all pretense of art and rock 'n roll and had completely sold out to the gods of pop. With Camouflage, he delivered a half-hearted, short (8-song) set that is polished, but unremarkable. The only writing he did for it was the lead sinlge, "Infatuation", which he shares a writing credit with two other guys for. It sounds an awful lot like "Passion" from a few albums prior, so it's not hard to deduce where his "writing" credit came from. Jeff Beck puts in a decent performance on guitar, but uber-producer Michael Omartian's ham-fisted layering of synthazation pretty much kills most of even that. Some Guys Have All the Luck is a touchstone pop performance and Rod turns is a pretty good remake of Tod Rungren's "Can We Still Be Friends". Still, this is a bad album. The singles can be procured on a Greatest Hits complilation and nothing -- nothing -- else on this LP is worth paying for. Even the packaging was bad - a rough, non-glossy cover, no liner notes at all and really cheesy-looking labels on thin vynil.
Music: 2 (of 5)
Lyrics: 2 (of 5)
Authorship: 1 (of 4)
Production: 1 (of 3)
Packaging: 0 (of 2)
First Blush: 1 (of 2)
Aging: 1 (of 3)
Videos: 1 (of 1)
Total: 9
Stars: 1.8 (of 5)
~~~
Parting shots:
Congtratulations to Kurt Warner for getting while the gettin's good. Enjoy playing with -- and recognizing -- the grandkids you will one day have...
And with that, we bid you adieu.
Until next time,
Keep the Faith
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