Focused on the Family, Vol. 2

Hey, you...

You're a child in my head

You haven't walked yet

Your first words have yet to be said

This was supposed to be the post where you were announced to the world.  Customary waiting period over, after a Friday appointment confirming all was in order, I was going to put finger to mouse and post the blog entry that would make your existence known to all but the close friends and family who were aware thus far.


But you slipped away from us in the night.  We'll never know if you were a Truman Hughes or an Emily Grace.  Whether you were to be a doctor or writer, a degenerate gambler or petty thief.  It wouldn't have mattered.  You would have been loved.


When I first learned of you, I'll admit I was freaked out.  "I'm too old for this", "This isn't part of my plan", "But we just broke up!".  I had all the reasons in the world to not want you to happen.  But then I thought of Chelsea, your sister.  And I thought of all the ways my life have been enriched by her presence.  The good, the bad -- none of that matters, for love is not a ledger.  It just is.


So trepidation and dread slowly turned to anticipation and hope.  A new baby.  A chance to get it right.  An unexpected gift.  BabyBates, or BB.


Maybe God couldn't stand to be apart from your soul for more than a few months.  Maybe you're better-placed looking over us than being in our care.  I don't begin to know those answers.  I just know that I am sad.  And I really wish I could have met you.  Because even though you never made it out into this physical world, I believe life begins at the moment of conception and you were -- are -- as real as this keyboard I type on.  


You are my child.  And I love you. 


Fare thee well, BB.  I will see you on the other side.  Save me a kiss, a hug, a lifetime.


--Daddy